


System Update

by nouseforaname



Series: Recovery Mode [13]
Category: Mr. Robot (TV)
Genre: F/F, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:49:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 38,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26228209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nouseforaname/pseuds/nouseforaname
Summary: Dom faces her fears, Darlene has second thoughts, and Elliot finally lets go.An epilogue in three parts.
Relationships: Darlene Alderson/Dominique DiPierro
Series: Recovery Mode [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1625374
Comments: 2
Kudos: 53





	1. Merge

It was only supposed to be a joke.

They just got back from celebrating Elliot’s birthday; he insisted on having a quiet night in like always, but Darlene forced them to go out this time because she was _tired of being boring_ (Her exact words), so they ended up at a bar. Several hours and bourbon shots later (Darlene was the only one who was taking said bourbon shots), Dom finds herself carrying her drunk girlfriend on her back up the stairs towards their apartment.

“You’re, like, my most favourite person ever.” Darlene slurs as she rests her chin on the redhead’s shoulder. “Did I ever tell you that?”

“You did.” Dom shakes her head as she finally steps onto their floor. “You told me about five times since we left the bar.”

Darlene hums and turns her head so that her lips are brushing against Dom’s cheek. “I hope you never break up with me, ‘cause that would suck so much ass.”

Dom awkwardly clears her throat before gently placing her back on her own feet. She throws an arm around Darlene’s waist and guides her down the hallway as she pulls out her keys. “Well, you don’t have to worry about that, because I don’t think that’s happening anytime soon.”

“Good.” Darlene leans against her as she unlocks their front door. She allows Dom to pull her inside, and when the redhead finishes helping her out of her boots and jacket, she throws her arms around her neck and hazily smiles up at her before falling backwards on their bed and pulling her down with her. “Y’know what we should do?”

“What?” Dom shifts a bit so that she’s comfortably lying on top of her.

Darlene lifts her head a few inches off the mattress so she can kiss her. She’s still wearing that same unfocused, dopey smile when they pull apart a few seconds later.

“We should get married.”

Dom can hear the figurative record scratch going off in her head; her jaw is dangling and her eyes are anxiously scanning Darlene’s face.

“Uh,” She stammers as she struggles to come up with an answer; her nervousness doubles when Darlene starts to laugh. “What?”

“Oh my God - your fucking face.” Darlene cackles before kissing her again. “I was joking, dumbass.”

“Oh.” Dom visibly deflates with relief.

“What?” Darlene raises an eyebrow. “Were you actually thinking about doing it?”

Her anxiety immediately bursts back into her, and before she knows it she’s stammering again. “Er, no, I just don’t-”

“Jesus, Dom.” Darlene laughs again. “We both know it’ll never happen because you’re too much of a nervous wreck to propose.”

Dom furrows her brow. “Then why don’t you just propose instead?”

Darlene scoffs. “Ew. No thanks.”

Her response is somehow relieving and disappointing at the same time, and it piques her curiosity. She decides to play along because she knows Darlene’s going to forget about this in the morning anyway. “What if I was to hypothetically propose to you? Would you say yes?”

“Depends on how you do it.” Darlene grins against her mouth. “You’re gonna have to get me a ring. Big sparkly diamond and everything.”

“Yeah, because I can definitely afford one.” Dom mutters before kissing her again.

“Maybe you can do a cool heist and jack one from a museum or something.” Darlene snorts. “Go to London and pick one off the queen’s crown.”

“Sure.” Dom rolls her eyes. “I’ll just casually walk into Buckingham Palace and ask if I can take a diamond or two.”

“And the proposal has to go viral.” Darlene adds as she raises her hands to frame the redhead’s face. “I’m talking flash mob and everything. You gotta go all out.”

“I am _not_ proposing to you via flash mob.” Dom laughs.

Darlene laughs with her, but her expression soon softens as she pulls her in a little closer. “I think I’d really like it if we actually did get married, though.”

Dom can feel a lump forming in her throat and she tries to swallow it. She’s drunk, it’s just the alcohol talking, she doesn’t mean it, she’s going to forget this conversation, this means nothing... “Yeah?”

“Mmhmm.” Darlene hums before kissing her.

Dom can feel her eyelashes brushing her cheeks. Her voice is low and wispy as they pull apart; her eyes are half-open, her mouth is slightly parted, and her hair is carelessly tossed around her head, spread across the pillows in chestnut brown ripples.

“Marry me.” Darlene breathes, and Dom swears her heart stops beating.

She’s joking. She’s drunk.

This doesn’t mean anything.

...Which means she can say anything she wants, right?

“Okay.” She smiles, and when Darlene smiles back she can feel a twitch in her chest, almost like her heart’s been jolted back to life.

“Let’s get married.”

* * *

As Dom expected (And hoped), Darlene wakes up the next morning with a pounding headache and no memory of last night’s conversation. You’d think this would mean Dom can finally put this to bed and never think about it ever again, but this is Dom we’re talking about, so the thought obviously festers, and by the time the weekend comes and goes and she has to go back to work, she starts to weigh the pros and cons of proposing to Darlene.

She tells herself that this isn’t anything serious, and that making a list of pros and cons doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but when there’s a slow day at work or she’s on her lunch, her mind always manages to wander back to that drunken conversation, and this mental meandering only increases in frequency as the months go by.

The biggest pro is the most obvious one: They’d be married, duh. Their relationship will officially be recognized by the law...which, in hindsight, doesn’t really mean much, but it’s the principle of it. You find The One, you fall in love with them, and you get married. That’s what you’re supposed to do, right? It’s the right thing to do - it’s the grown up thing to do, and they _did_ say they wanted to grow up together. They’ve been together for four years, coming up on five soon, and they’ve been living together for two of those years. Sure, four years doesn’t sound like a whole lot, but they’ve been through so much together that it feels like they’ve been doing this forever. It’s about time they take the next step.

To be honest, that’s kind of the _only_ pro she can think of. There isn’t anything else that they already aren’t doing. Getting married is literally the one thing they haven’t crossed off on the proverbial relationship to-do list, so if it’s the only outstanding thing, why _not_ do it?

Maybe it’s because she’s Dom and she’s been an overthinker and a worry wart all her life, but she has a stupidly easy time coming up with plenty of cons:

Both of them have rejected proposals in previous relationships.

Drunken conversation aside, Darlene doesn’t seem like the marrying type.

Weddings are expensive as hell.

This seems unlikely - at least for now - but in the event that they do break up, the process would be so much more complicated if they were married. They’d need to go through lawyers and countless documents...it’s a whole other thing, and it doesn’t sound appealing at all. It’s basically rubbing salt into the wound.

Also, what if she asks her and she says no? Where does that leave them? Would they stay together, or would the dynamic between them change for the worse? What if this is the one thing they won’t be able to recover from?

Dom goes through her mental list for the trillionth time late on a Sunday night nearly nine months after Elliot’s birthday. Darlene is already asleep beside her, and she’s sitting upright with her back against the shelf, nervously tapping on her thigh with an index finger. The list has way more cons than pros...so why does she still feel like doing it anyway?

That _definitely_ means something. Her gut is telling her that despite the possible negative outcomes, it’s something she should still do, and when has her gut ever been wrong? Her gut saved her sorry ass more times than she can count throughout her career. Her gut was the reason why she turned around in that airport in Boston. Her gut is the reason why Darlene is lying next to her right now.

Darlene may not be the marrying type, but Dom thought she wasn’t the marrying type either...until very recently. People can change; she and Darlene are living proof of that. Maybe Darlene wasn’t into the whole marriage thing before, but what about now? She _did_ say she’d like it if they got married - and yes, she was drunk, but there has to be a kernel of truth in there somewhere. The alcohol couldn’t have just conjured the thought on its own; it had to have pulled it from some deep mental recess or something. She must’ve thought about it at least once or twice before.

Dom turns her head to look at Darlene, and she reaches out to brush a few strands of hair away from her face. Darlene reacts to her touch, stirring slightly and rolling on her side so that she’s facing her; she throws an arm around Dom’s waist and nuzzles her face into her side, and the redhead chuckles before bending over to drop a kiss to her head.

Fuck, she _really_ wants to do this now. How can she look at her, peacefully slumbering with her arm around her like that, and _not_ want to marry her? Sure, Darlene would still be here even if they never get hitched. They’ll still live together. They’ll still have breakfast and walk to the subway together every morning before they go to work (Well, not _ever_ y morning - just the ones when Darlene is actually able to wake up early). They’ll still hang out with Elliot every Halloween and visit her parents on every other holiday - it’s just that they’ll be married when they do it, and for some reason that just makes all of the things they’re already doing sound a million times better.

They’ll still live together, but they’ll be _married._

They’ll still have breakfast and walk to the subway together before they go to work, but they’ll be _married._

Dom will still be able to turn her head and find Darlene lying next to her every night, but she won’t be looking at her girlfriend. She’ll be looking at her-

Her face suddenly goes red. Okay, maybe she shouldn’t get ahead of herself. She hasn’t even asked her yet.

 _Yet._ She says this as if her mind’s already made up, like she’s already planning for this to happen.

This obviously means she’s gonna go ahead and do it, right?

Dom rakes a hand through her hair and slowly exhales. She glances down at Darlene again, and when her chest swells with affection she heaves another sigh and finally comes to terms with it:

She’s going to ask Darlene to marry her.

The first thing she decides to do after making up her mind is tell Elliot. Yes, it’s a little old fashioned, but Elliot’s such an integral part to their relationship that it almost feels sacrilegious to _not_ talk to him about this first. She needs someone in her corner right now, and he’s the only one she feels comfortable talking to. Her brothers would probably just make fun of her, and her mom would just scream with excitement until her eardrums burst. She can picture her dad clapping her on the shoulder, uttering a lighthearted _Atta girl, about time_ before changing the subject. She needs someone she can actually hold a conversation with, someone who _isn’t_ Darlene...which leaves Elliot.

She glances to the side, eyeing Darlene’s sleeping form for a second before reaching for her phone. She sends Elliot a quick text - _Are you free this week?_ \- and she smiles when he replies a few seconds later.

_How about lunch tomorrow?_

That’s a lot sooner than she expected, but she accepts his invitation anyway. He’s been incredibly busy lately, and rightfully so. If she doesn’t say yes now, it’ll probably be awhile before his schedule opens up again.

So she responds with _Sounds good, I’ll head over to yours at noon. See you soon_ and tosses her phone on the shelf behind the bed before settling into the sheets. She stares at the ceiling as she tries to ignore the pounding in her chest. The reality of the situation is starting to dawn on her, and she swallows hard.

This is happening. It’s really happening.

* * *

Dom is so nervous when she steps into the elevator that she has to keep her arms crossed so her hands can stop shaking. She anxiously watches the digital counter above the doors gradually rise higher and higher, and when the elevator stops at Elliot’s floor and the doors slide open, she squares her shoulders and sucks in a breath before walking into the lobby.

Her boots clop against the grey concrete floors and the sound bounces off the plain white walls. She approaches the matching white desk at the opposite end of the room; there’s a woman in her mid-twenties sitting behind it wearing clear plastic rimmed glasses. Her jet black hair is tied into a neat, tight ponytail.

“Harvir, hey.” Dom leans on the desk with one forearm; her smile is broad, but the anxiousness in her stare is obvious.

The woman glances up; she instantly recognizes Dom and reaches for the tablet sitting by her keyboard. “Good afternoon, Agent DiPierro.” She swipes on her tablet screen, scrolls through a list of names, and taps on one of them before typing in a message. “Elliot told me he was expecting you.”

That somehow makes Dom even more nervous. She pulls her gaze away from Harvir to stare at the logo plastered to the wall behind her: The company name is typed in large green letters - _Moss Cybersecurity -_ with the slogan written in a slightly smaller font below:

_We’ve got you covered._

Dom recalls the night when that phrase was coined; it was Friday, and Elliot was in the last few weeks of his working sentence with the FBI. He was already in the early stages of planning this startup with his sister, and he was having trouble thinking of a name. Darlene, who was about four bourbon shots in even though they’ve only been at the bar for less than an hour, enthusiastically blurted it out just as the bartender swung by with her fifth glass. The slogan came when Dom cut her off after the seventh.

_“Get it? ‘Cause you’re covering them like how moss covers-”_

_“Yeah, we get it. Can you take a sip of water now, please?”_

“Agent DiPierro?” Harvir speaks up again, and Dom clears her throat.

“Sorry.” She flashes her a sheepish smile. “Can you tell I haven’t eaten yet?”

Harvir chuckles and gestures towards the charcoal grey lounge chairs just a few feet away. “He said he’ll meet you here in a bit.”

“Uh,” Dom gulps, and when Harvir raises her head to glance at her, she swallows again. “Actually, I can just meet him at his office instead. It’s not a big deal. I probably need the walk anyway.”

“Sure.” Harvir dutifully nods and taps another message into her tablet; there isn’t a trace of hesitation or suspicion in her expression, which Dom finds relieving. “Okay, he said you can go right in.”

“Great, thanks.” Dom heads over to the double glass doors next to Harvir's desk and gives her a small parting wave before pulling one of them open and stepping into the office. It’s almost impossible to believe that this company is just a few months old, because every inch of the place is teeming with activity: Engineers are hunched over their desks, furiously typing at their keyboards, and account managers are flitting to and fro with papers and folders tucked under their arms. The finance team is holding a meeting in the largest boardroom; Dom can see a PowerPoint presentation highlighting projections for their upcoming first fiscal year projected on a screen through the large glass window next to the door. One of the account executives is having a very engaging conversation with a client on her Bluetooth headset; she’s pacing the aisles with her arms wildly gesticulating in every possible direction.

As Dom navigates through the labyrinth of desk pods, she eyes the various accolades stuck on the walls: An _America’s Most Promising Companies_ list from Forbes with Moss at the top, A New York Times article lauding Moss’ cofounders for pledging to take huge pay cuts so their employees can have liveable wages, a feature on Elliot and Darlene’s past with fsociety and Darlene’s dismantling of the world’s largest child trafficking rings _,_ another article with the headline _Notorious Vigilante Hacker Siblings Now Cofounders of the World’s Fastest Growing Cybersecurity Firm_ \- Elliot was initially against the idea of putting these up; he thought it was self-serving and arrogant, but Darlene insisted on it because she said it was important to show off his achievements.

_“They’re not just mine. They’re yours too, Darlene. I couldn’t have done any of this without you.”_

_“Exactly. That’s why they should be up there. They’re a reminder that you’re completely useless without me.”_

Dom finally reaches her destination at the opposite end of the large room. She eyes the nameplate on the door in front of her - _Elliot Alderson, CEO -_ and she swallows hard before knocking quietly.

When Elliot opens the door, her nervousness quadruples. “Hey, Dom.” He smiles at her. “Ready to go?”

“Um, actually, I was wondering if we could talk first?” She jerks her head towards his office before letting out a shaky laugh. “In there, I mean.”

Elliot furrows his brow, but he nods and steps aside to let her in. His office isn’t terribly big, just big enough to fit his desk and a sitting area in the corner with a couch and a coffee table.

The pair make their way over to the couch. Elliot is worryingly watching Dom fiddle with her hair. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah!” She suddenly exclaims, her voice a little too loud for regular conversation. She clears her throat and laughs again. “I mean, well, I think I am. I don’t know. Not really. Maybe I’m not.”

Elliot frowns. “I don’t think you are.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Something up between you and Darlene?”

“No, no.” Dom frantically shakes her head. “Nothing like that. Well, I mean, there’s _something,_ but it’s not what you’re thinking. It’s not anything bad...at least I don’t think it is.”

“Then...what is it?”

The words in her head are jumbled up and all over the place, like some kind of weird brain alphabet soup. God...that sounds disgusting.

“I-” Dom cuts herself off as her eyes drop to her feet. She shakes her head and tries again. “Well, there’s...no.” She heaves a sigh. “I just...” She stops again and groans in defeat. “Jesus H, why can’t I say it?”

Elliot gives her a small, reassuring smile. “Take your time.”

Except that she knows she can’t just take her time because Elliot has a company to run and he can’t spend the rest of the day listening to her stutter like some incoherent idiot.

She holds her breath for a few seconds before staring at him straight in the eye. “I’m going to ask your sister...” Her sentence peters off and her expression mutates from nervous to nauseated. She clamps her eyes shut and swallows hard. “...Fuck. I was _so_ close.”

“What are you going to ask my sister?” Elliot gently prods; there’s a knowing look in his eyes, and it really isn’t helping.

“You look like you already know.” She mutters, and when his smile widens she groans again. “Don’t make me say it, Elliot.”

“You said you wanted to talk.” He shrugs, his grin still clearly visible. “I’m listening.”

Dom groans before burying her face in her hands; she speaks so quickly that her sentence sounds like one very long word. “Imgonnaproposetoyoursister.”

She can hear Elliot chuckling beside her. “Really?”

“Do you think that’s a bad idea?” Dom pulls her face away from her hands to defeatedly stare at him.

“No.” He shakes his head. “I just didn’t think you guys were the marrying type.”

“I didn’t either, but...” Dom shrugs. “We’re coming up on five years soon. We technically already are...” She gestures with her hands. “You know. We might as well make it official, right?”

“You don’t need to get married to do that. It’s up to you to decide how you guys want to make it official.”

“I know,” Dom brushes a hand through her hair. “But I’ve been thinking about it lately - about us, about everything we’ve been through, everything we built together...and when I think about where to go from here, this just makes the most sense.” She shrugs again. “We said we wanted to grow up together. Getting...” She swallows hard and sucks in a breath. “Getting... _married..._ is the grown up thing to do, right?”

“I guess.” Elliot shrugs. “Is this something you want to do, or is this something you feel like you have to do?”

“I want to do it.” Dom insists. “I know I’m not being convincing right now, but I want it. I never wanted it with anyone else, but I want it with her. She’s...” Her face starts to burn, and she swallows again. “She’s everything I ever wanted in another person. I know you don’t just feel that way about anyone. Even I’m not stupid enough to let something like that just slip away.”

“I don’t think she’s going anywhere.” Elliot chuckles, and Dom can’t help but laugh too.

“I mean it, though. I want to grow up with her, Elliot. We’ve gotten this far...so why stop now?” She shrugs again. “I’m doing the grown up thing because I want to do it, not because I feel obligated to. I want...” She shuts her eyes for a second, then opens them and takes a deep breath. “I want to marry her. I’m going to ask her to marry me.”

“So,” Elliot leans forward, rests his elbows on his thighs, and clasps his hands together. “Did you come here because you wanted to ask for my blessing?”

“No!” Dom frantically shakes her head, and her blush worsens when Elliot laughs. “I just...I needed to talk to someone about it, and you were the first person I thought of.” There’s a short pause. “...And maybe I wanted to see how you felt about it.”

“So...you did come here to ask for my blessing.”

The redhead groans and flops back against the couch in defeat. “I know it looks like that, but it’s not.” When she spots the grin on his face, she groans again. “Don’t look at me like that. You’re not making this any easier.”

“I’m just really happy for you, that’s all.” Elliot chuckles. “Go for it, Dom. If your gut is telling you this is the right thing to do, you should do it.”

“She’s gonna freak out.” Dom sighs. “You know she will.”

“If this was five years ago, maybe. I think she’ll react differently this time around.”

She quirks an eyebrow. “What makes you say that?”

“She’s not the same person you babysat at that safe house. She isn’t the same person you left in Boston either. She’s changed since all of that happened.” Elliot rubs the back of his neck. “You’ve known her for almost six years and you’ve been with her for nearly five of those six years. That’s the longest she’s ever been with someone, and I mean _consistently_ been with someone, not on and off - and out of all the people I’ve seen her with, you’re the one who treated her best. You make her really happy, Dom; I’ve never seen her this happy with anyone else, so I don’t see why she would freak out. This doesn’t change much between you. You’re just gonna keep doing what you’re already doing, except you’ll have a legal document that says you’re together, and you’ll be wearing rings.”

Dom twitches at _rings._ “Shit. I have to get a ring.”

Elliot furrows his brow. “You didn’t get one yet?”

“No.” She messes with her hair again. “I kind of just decided this last night...literally right before I reached out to you.”

“Wow.” Elliot shakes his head in disbelief. “I guess you have some work to do.”

Dom groans again. “So, to confirm...you _are_ okay with me asking her?”

“I am,” He chuckles. “But you still didn’t have to ask me. You know I already see you as family, Dom.”

That makes her feel a _bit_ better. “I’m off to a terrible start, aren’t I?”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” Elliot assures her. “Do you know when you’re planning to ask her?”

“In four months, when we celebrate five years.”

“Okay, so you have four months. That’s plenty of time to figure things out.”

“Yeah.” She can feel a tiny shred of confidence weaving itself into her, and she nods to herself. “Yeah...okay. You’re right. I can do this. I _will_ do this.” She sucks in another breath, holds it for a few seconds, and slowly exhales before throwing him a small smile. “Thanks, Elliot. I really needed this.”

“No problem.” Elliot smiles back and rises to his feet so he can head for the door. Dom was so lost in their conversation that she completely forgot they were supposed to go out to eat. “So, now that that’s settled...do you have any idea where my CTO is?”

Dom snorts. “Probably still in bed. She _might_ be getting up just now.”

Elliot sighs and plucks his phone out of his pocket. “We have a meeting at two-thirty. She better be here.”

“Oh, she knows. She was complaining about it last night.” She follows him out of his office, through the cubicle maze, and out into the lobby. They both flash Harvir a smile before heading to the elevator.

Elliot reaches out to press the down button. “You know you’re gonna be okay, right? I don’t think anything bad will come out of it. Darlene loves you.”

“I really hope you’re right.” Dom mumbles as the elevator doors open. They step in, and she thinks Elliot can sense how bad her nerves are right now, because he abruptly changes the subject to something completely different, and thankfully it’s distracting enough to keep her mind from festering over it for the rest of their lunch break.

* * *

When Dom returns to her office later that afternoon, the first thing she does is hop on her computer and read up on engagement rings. She didn’t know there was an entire science behind this; her head spins as she clicks on countless articles about cut, carats, clarity, colour, sparkle factor, shape, something about a trunk show...she freaks out when she comes across a blog post stating that the ring should cost _at least_ three months’ worth of her salary, but then she regains her ability to breathe when she does another quick search and learns that it’s actually just a marketing ploy coined by De Beers in the 1930s to con lovesick men into spending more money for their soon-to-be-fiancées - and then she gets the wind knocked out of her again when she reads that people spent an average of seven thousand on engagement rings just a few years ago.

When she gets home later that evening, she pays special attention to the multiple rings Darlene is wearing when they sit down for dinner, hoping she can stir up some inspiration, or at least find a starting point.

“What are you looking at?” Darlene asks not even five minutes after they tuck into their meals.

“Huh?” Dom blinks. Her eyes shift to the gold plated wire ring sitting on Darlene’s right ring finger, ogling it for a few seconds before moving to another gold band on her left hand. So...this means she should be looking at gold rings, right? “Nothing.”

“You are the world’s worst liar.” Darlene narrows her eyes.

“I’m just...” Dom notices that the wire ring on her right hand is bent so that it makes a heart. Does this mean she should be looking at heart-shaped gemstones? “Thinking.”

God, she is _so_ bad at this. “Thinking about what?”

“Thinking...” Dom gulps as she feebly wracks her brain for an excuse, her eyes still trained on the rings gleaming at her from across their small dining table. It almost feels like they’re taunting her. “Thinking about how we should go somewhere - like...a vacation, or something.”

Where the hell did _that_ come from? “What?”

“Yeah.” Dom laughs, but it’s unsteady and an octave higher than her normal laugh. “We’ve never gone on vacation together before. Can you believe that?”

“Well, we sorta don’t have the time.” Darlene shrugs, and Dom deflates with relief when she realizes she’s buying into her ruse. “Between me working on Moss and you getting that new case, we barely had time to do anything lately.”

“All the more reason to think about getting away, right?” Dom grins before sticking a forkful of roasted Brussels sprouts into her mouth.

Darlene’s bottom lip juts out as she furrows her brow in thought. “I mean, yeah, I guess so.”

How is she going to plan a fake vacation _and_ a real engagement at the same time? “So let’s do it. Let’s go somewhere.”

Darlene sighs and shakes her head before throwing her a small smile. “Okay, fine. You convinced me.” She reaches for her beer. “Where should we go?”

Dom notices a third ring on her middle finger; the thick gold band is engraved with a bunch of complicated patterns. Does she have to look into engraving too? “Uh,” Dom runs a hand through her hair before reaching for her own drink. “I dunno. I didn’t think that far ahead.”

Darlene rolls her eyes. “Of course you didn’t.” She takes a sip. “I can’t believe I’ve been putting up with your useless ass for almost five years.”

“Six years, technically speaking.” Dom rumples her hair a second time, laughing nervously. “And you’ve had plenty of opportunities to back out.”

“And miss out on the great sex? Yeah, not happening.” Darlene scoffs, and when Dom’s face goes red she throws her head back to laugh.

The next day arrives, and Dom is making mental plans to pop out during lunch to look at gold engagement rings when Darlene steps out of the bathroom and heads towards the jewelry box she keeps on their dresser. Dom peeks over her shoulder and her heart nearly explodes when Darlene pulls out a handful of _silver_ rings and slips them on her fingers.

“What?” Darlene asks as she spins around to face her; the rings on her hands glint beneath the sunlight streaming in from the windows. “You look like you just shat yourself.”

Dom’s hand jumps to her hair as she clears her throat. “I just, uh, remembered I have to get going. I have an early meeting I need to be at.” When Darlene doesn’t look convinced, the redhead lets out a shaky laugh before leaning in to peck her on the lips. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“You see me every night.” Darlene rolls her eyes. “We live together.” She grabs her purple backpack and hoists it over one shoulder before following Dom out of their apartment. “What the hell has gotten into you lately? You’re being weirder than usual.”

The only thing Dom is capable of thinking about at the moment is whether or not she should be looking at gold or silver bands. “I’m just excited about our trip, that’s all.”

Darlene clearly doesn’t believe her, but she lets it slide. “Whatever.”

When Dom gets to work, she searches for jewellers around the area. The highest rated one isn’t too far away, so she makes plans to head there during her lunch break. The second she steps inside the small store, she’s instantly overwhelmed by the infinite rows of rings in the glass display cabinets. Thejeweller picks up on her anxiety the moment he meets eyes with her, and he laughs and tells her it’s okay and it’s normal to feel like she has no idea what she’s doing, and it makes her feel slightly better. He suggests designing a ring over buying one that’s already made. Designing it from scratch means she can name her own price and it’ll be unique. It makes total sense.

He flashes her a grin before moving towards a separate cabinet. “Don’t be nervous - this is an exciting time in your life, and it’s just getting started. Wait until you come back to design your wedding bands.”

“Wait,” Dom’s eyes are fearfully wide. “I have to get _two_ rings?”

The jeweller gawks at her. “Well, yes - assuming she accepts your first one.” When he eyes the haunted expression on the redhead’s face, he gasps with laughter.

“I hope your afternoon is open, because you have a _lot_ to learn, young lady.”

* * *

Luckily for Dom, Darlene has to work this weekend to prepare for an upcoming pitch, which means she can slip out and visit other jewelry stores without raising suspicion. She bounces from borough to borough, drilling every jeweller she meets with an endless list of questions; thankfully she isn’t the first clueless, hopeless idiot they’ve spoken to, so they’re able to answer her thoroughly, and by the time she leaves the last shop she feels just a tiny bit more confident.

Designing an engagement ring is the hardest thing Dom’s ever had to do, and that says a lot seeing as she’s been through plenty of difficult things in her life. Not only is she investing a lot of money into this, but Darlene’s taste is so unpredictable that it’s difficult to pinpoint exactly what she‘d like. Darlene is a fan of simplicity and subtlety, but she also lives for the gaudy and obnoxious. She’s into the vintage look, but she’s down for modernity too. She likes a little bit of everything, and it’s making this so much harder than it needs to be.

Is Darlene a diamond person? She did mention a diamond that one night when she was drunk, but Dom isn’t sure if she should take her seriously. If diamonds aren’t her thing, what gemstone would suit her best? An aquamarine or maybe even a sapphire would look nice since they remind her of Darlene’s eyes, but those gemstones are blue, and if Darlene’s going to be wearing this ring all the time, she’d have to coordinate her outfits so that they matched the ring _every single_ time. That sounds like a lot of pressure and she doesn’t want to make her feel like she has to revolve her entire wardrobe around this one, tiny rock sitting on her finger.

Can you tell she’s overthinking this?

She has a few ideas floating around her head by the time the weekend comes to an end, and when she’s back in the office on Monday she revisits the list of jewelry stores and picks a top three. She visits the bottom of the three during today’s lunch break, the second choice on the next day’s break, and finally her top choice the day after. Her gut ends up being right with her top choice, as the staff is more thorough and they gave her the fairest estimate.

It takes her about three weeks to finally decide on a design that makes her _not_ want to tear her hair out and mourn over her wallet at the same time. She goes with a polished white gold band since it’s kind of like having both gold and silver. The words _Grow up with me_ are engraved on the inside in elegant script. Dom ultimately chooses a diamond for the gemstone because diamonds can be colourless, which means there’s no obligation to have a matching outfit every time it’s worn. She also ensures that it’s ethically sourced since it would feel wrong to give Darlene, the cofounder of an anti-capitalism vigilante hacker collective and the person responsible for an earth shattering exposé on the top one percent of the one percent’s involvement in numerous international child trafficking rings, a diamond that was created out of exploitation. The one carat Asscher cut (She chose this cut specifically because she knew Darlene would get a kick out of the name) diamond sparkles brilliantly beneath the store lights when Dom returns to the store a month later to pick up the ring.

Seeing the ring in person only makes this feel more real. Dom’s heart is pounding in her chest as she holds the delicate piece of jewellery in her fingers, raising it up against the ceiling lights so she can take a closer look. She can hear the jeweller blabbing about pavilion, facets, and clarity, but she’s mentally too far away to listen. She knows it isn’t possible to convey everything she feels for Darlene with a fancy ring, but she hopes it’ll say enough.

She keeps the ring in a locked drawer in her desk at work. Every time she opens the drawer to grab something, her eyes will automatically lock onto the little black velvet box, and her hands will get clammy and her chest will painfully contract. When she’s at home with Darlene, she’ll fixate on her right hand and imagine the ring sitting on her finger with the diamond twinkling back at her, and when Darlene looks up from her phone one evening to ask her why she’s sweating so much, Dom nervously laughs her off and makes up some flimsy excuse about the heat being up too high.

“You are _so_ fucking weird.” Darlene rolls her eyes before scooting closer to her so she can show her something on her phone; it’s a listing for a hotel in Paris. “This one doesn’t look so bad.”

Dom squints at her screen and frowns at the meagre three star rating. “I think we can do a little fancier than that.” She may be thinking a little too far ahead with this, but the one good thing about this pretend vacation is that she can do some covert research on potential honeymoon spots without raising suspicion - emphasis on _potential,_ since this really depends on whether or not this proposal will go the way she intends.

Darlene quirks an eyebrow. “You really wanna ball out for this. What’s the occasion?”

Dom’s collar suddenly feels like it’s closing in on her, but she tries to ignore it by flashing her a smile before leaning in to quickly kiss her lips.

“Nothing special.”

* * *

It’s unusually hot for late October. Either that or Dom is just _really_ nervous.

She’s mentally checked out the entire time she’s at work. She’s incapable of doing anything - responding to emails, answering calls, attending meetings, and reading reports feel like foreign tasks to her now. The ring sitting in her desk drawer feels like a ticking time bomb.

Her heart almost stops beating when the clock finally strikes five. She sits at her desk for a few more minutes, steeling herself before pulling the drawer open, and when she spots the tiny black box sitting on top of a small stack of folders, she instantly forgets how to breathe.

She’s been to countless autopsies where she’s seen tons of gruesome shit. She survived several shootouts. She watched her boss get butchered with an axe. She broke bones and ruptured tendons before. Jesus H, she’s been stabbed in the lung and she had a bullet stuck inside of her at one point - yet none of the terrible things she’s been through in the past few years felt as harrowing as this.

Dom grabs the box and flips the lid open, swallowing hard as she plucks the ring with one hand and reaches for her identification badge with the other. She undoes the clasp that attaches the clip to the badge and slips the ring through it so that it’s dangling right over the plastic card, and then she fastens it before returning the clip to her belt. She untucks her shirt and pulls it down just enough so that the hem is covering the ring.

She grabs a crumpled piece of paper lying next to her keyboard and quickly scans it, muttering the words under her breath. She wrote down what she wanted to say, but she doesn’t want to look like an idiot reading directly off the paper, so she’s been spending the last few days trying to memorize it. She has every word tattooed into her brain by now so she really doesn’t need to rehearse it again, but she does it three more times before crushing the paper into a ball and throwing it into the wastebasket.

The redhead quickly makes her way out of the office and back onto the street, glancing left and right even though she knows where she’s supposed to be going. She gulps as she checks her phone; she’s supposed to meet Darlene at their usual bar in an hour. That gives her a bit of time to go over her plan...and to calm her nerves.

She feels a little nervous walking around with a super expensive engagement ring dangling from her pants, so she unclips her badge and stuffs it in her pocket for now. Dom could cut down her traveling time if she took the subway or hailed a cab, but she opts to walk all the way there instead because she thinks it’ll help quell some of the anxiety bouncing around inside of her. It’s disgustingly humid outside, and she’s drenched in sweat by the time she reaches the end of the block, but she’s determined to walk the entire way. She needs this.

The regret doesn’t start to seep in until she’s a couple blocks down. She’s sweating through her shirt and parts of her hair are sticking to her face, but at this point it’s less about controlling her anxiety and more about winning. She said she was going to walk the entire way, so that’s what she’s going to do.

By the time she arrives at the bar, Darlene is so disgusted with her that she recommends leaving early so she can take a shower - but going home early means she’s going to have to do the proposal sooner, so she hastily thinks of excuses.

“I just got here.” Dom mutters as she takes a seat by the bar. She sheds her blazer, revealing an olive green t-shirt with a large wet spot on the back, and she rolls her eyes when Darlene visibly recoils at it. “Can we have a couple drinks first?”

“Well, if you insist.” Darlene flags down the bartender and orders the usual two glasses of bourbon. “But if you think I’m going anywhere near you when you’re looking like _that,_ you’re kidding yourself.” She wrinkles her nose with disdain. “I can’t believe I’m saying this right now, but _please_ put your blazer back on.”

Okay, so starting off their fifth anniversary celebrations soaked in her own perspiration wasn’t part of the plan, but she can work around it. It gets a little easier once they get started on the drinks; Darlene loosens up a bit and she’s more receptive to Dom’s flimsy excuses to stay a little longer - it’s their fifth anniversary, they’re having fun, the booze is good - and they end up staying for a few hours.

They stop by some fast food joint before heading back to the apartment. While Darlene is happily munching on fries and complaining about one of her clients at work, Dom pats her pocket to make sure the ring is still there. She pats it again when they descend the steps to the subway, and she pats it a third time when they’re making their way up the stairs back to their place.

She doesn’t get the chance to pull her badge out and visibly check until they’re inside. The second she closes the front door, Darlene sternly points to the bathroom - “Shower. _Now.” -_ and she heaves a sigh before obeying. The redhead fishes her badge out of her pocket immediately after locking the bathroom door, sighing with relief when the small ring sparkles back at her.

When she finishes showering and changes into a new set of clothes (Pre-approved by Darlene, because if she can’t wear what she wore on that first night, she has to wear something similar), Darlene already has a couple of bottles of beer open. John Prine’s guitar is strumming softly in the background.

“Wow.” Dom is in disbelief as Darlene bumps her beer against hers in a toast. “You’re really getting the ball rolling with this, aren’t you?”

“Mmhmm.” Darlene hums before taking a sip. She places her bottle on the table nearby before stepping forward and throwing her arms around her neck, humming again as she leans in to rest her head on her shoulder.

Dom sets her bottle aside too, and she inhales slowly as she wraps her arms around Darlene’s waist. She can do this, she can do this, she can do this...

After a few minutes of quietly swaying to the music, Darlene eventually pulls away from her shoulder so she can glance up at her. “Can you believe it’s been four years since we started celebrating this, five years since we officially started dating, and _six_ years since that first night when I ruined your life forever?” Her eyes are dark beneath the dim ceiling light, her pupils blown wide.

Dom chuckles and brushes a hand through her hair. “You didn’t ruin my life.” She leans in close enough so that their foreheads are touching. “Are you sick of me yet?”

Her heart leaps to her throat when Darlene shakes her head. “I should be asking you that question.” Her voice is low, husky, seductive. She slides a hand to the back of Dom’s neck and pulls her in for a kiss, purring against her mouth when the redhead tightens her arms around her waist so that their bodies are fully pressed against each other.

A sharp _click_ prompts Dom to open her eyes a few seconds later; Darlene steps back, pivoting in a circle before throwing a grin in her direction. She holds up an arm and extends it; in her hand is Dom’s ID badge.

“Works every time.” She snickers as she teasingly waves the badge in between them. When she finally notices the ring looped around the clip, her expression immediately changes; her large eyes get even larger, and her jaw drops as she holds the badge closer to her face so she can inspect it. “What-”

She takes the ring out of the clip and delicately holds it between her thumb and index finger. Dom watches with bated breath, her eyes tracking the way Darlene rolls her wrist so she can look at the ring from different angles. She slides a finger across the smooth white gold band, she squints at the engraving on the inside, and she even taps the diamond with her nail. When Darlene finally deduces that it’s real, she lets out a soft laugh and raises her head to meet eyes with her. “Dom, what’s going on?”

The redhead awkwardly clears her throat and steps closer towards her. Her hand jumps to her hair as her eyes nervously scan the room for something to fixate on - something that isn’t Darlene. “I know neither of us have the best track record when it comes to stuff like this, so if you’re freaking out right now, I totally get it. Trust me, I’m freaking out too. I’m literally gonna have a heart attack in a few seconds. I can already feel it coming.” The laugh that escapes her lips is hesitant, unsteady. “I...Jesus H, I had shit written down and I tried memorizing it, and I thought I had it but now I don’t remember any of it and-” Dom cuts herself off and shakes her head when she realizes she’s rambling again. “I’m not trying to upstage Cisco or anything, so don’t think...” She shakes her head a second time. “Fuck, why am I talking about Cisco? I mean that I know you turned him down when he asked you, so I’m not expecting you to make an exception for me or anything because I know you’re not the type to do this kinda thing, and I’m not either - or, well, at least I thought I wasn't, but then-”

She’s abruptly silenced when Darlene grabs her by the front of her shirt and pulls her in for a kiss. Dom instantly relaxes under her touch, her eyes fluttering to a close as Darlene tosses her badge aside so she can place her hand on her cheek.

When they finally break apart, Dom opens her mouth to try and explain herself again, but Darlene shakes her head and she immediately closes it. “Slow down.” She chuckles as she runs her thumb across the redhead’s bottom lip. “Take a deep breath.” When Dom slowly inhales, she nods approvingly. “Good. Breathe out for me.” Dom obliges, and Darlene smiles at her. “Okay, now tell me what you really want to say.” She shifts her hand so she can lovingly brush her thumb against the skin beneath Dom’s eye. “Go at your own pace. There’s no rush.”

That only makes her feel more inclined to rush. She gives her a quick nod and wracks her brain for the hastily scrawled block of text she scribbled onto that scrap piece of paper a few days ago, but her mind refuses to cooperate and continues to draw a blank. Darlene is gazing up at her through heavy lidded eyes; the soft intrigue in her expression is reminiscent of that very first night when she was half-listening to Dom’s nervous rambling about her poor sleeping habits. She’s so fucking beautiful that it hurts to look at her, so Dom forces herself to focus on the wall behind her instead. What is she supposed to do now? Does she drop to one knee? Does she ask her to make her the happiest woman on earth? How does this work?

It feels like ages since either of them last spoke. Dom knows she can’t just keep standing here with nothing to say, so she swallows hard and takes in another deep breath before looking Darlene square in the eye and uttering the first words that pop into her head.

“I’m in love with you.” She blurts, and her eyes go wide when she realizes what she just said, but she pushes herself to keep going. “I think I always have been. I didn’t know it at the time, but that first year, when everything went to shit...I’m pretty sure I was in love with you then, even when it looked like I hated you.” She pauses to laugh at herself. “Actually, I _did_ know; I just didn’t want to admit it, but...” Dom clears her throat; Darlene continues to silently stare back, her expression still so tender and patient, and it ramps up her anxiety. “The point is that I’ve been in love with you ever since. I’m still going to be in love with you for another six years, and I’ll still be in love with you after that. I’m always going to feel this way about you, Darlene, and I...” She shakes her head, laughing incredulously as her hand jumps to her hair for the umpteenth time. “I know I don’t need to give you a ring to prove that to you, but I, I don’t know. I-” She sucks in another breath. “I guess what I’m trying to say is...”

Dom steps in a little closer. She reaches for Darlene’s hand - the one that’s still holding onto the ring - and holds it up just a bit so their hands are hovering between their chests. She swallows hard before meeting eyes with her again.

“Grow up with me, Darlene Alderson.”

It takes a few seconds for her to react; Darlene’s expression somehow gets even softer as her eyes glaze over with tears. She pulls Dom in, smiling up at her as the ends of their noses bump against one another.

“I’d love to grow up with you.” She whispers before she kisses her again.

Dom feels lightheaded. She’s so overwhelmed with emotion that she thinks she might actually pass out. She takes the ring from Darlene with one shaky hand, and Darlene laughs at her when she struggles to slip it onto her finger.

“You can stop freaking out now.” She reassures the poor redhead with a smirk as she helps her with the ring. “I already said yes.” They finally manage to put it on, and she grins as she holds up her hand so Dom can see. “What do you think?”

Jesus Christ, she’s wearing the ring. She’s wearing _her_ ring. She’s wearing the ring she spent weeks stressing out over. She said yes and now she’s wearing it, and she’s showing it off to her, and she’s smiling, and she looks so happy, and _holy shit_ , this is real. It’s happening. It already happened.

The redhead gasps with another nervous laugh. “I think it looks great, but do _you_ like it? You don’t think it looks weird, or-”

“Shut up, it’s perfect.” Darlene rolls her eyes before cutting her off with another kiss. “I’m gonna wear it forever.”

“Are you sure?” Dom mumbles against her mouth.

“Yes, so calm the fuck down already.” Darlene chuckles in between kisses. “So this is why you’ve been so weird lately. It wasn’t about going on vacation, was it?” When Dom sheepishly shakes her head, Darlene laughs again and reaches up to brush a few strands of hair away from the redhead’s face. “Why are you so nervous? Did you really think I was gonna say no?”

“Well...” Dom hesitates, and Darlene heaves a sigh.

“You know I love you too, right?”

“Yeah, of course, but...” Dom peters off again as she shrugs her shoulders. “I’m not the first person who asked you, and when that first person _did_ ask, you broke up with them.”

“Are you seriously comparing yourself to Cisco right now?” Darlene scoffs. “Dom, I told you a million times already - there were plenty of reasons why I couldn’t say yes to him. For starters, I wasn’t ready, and secondly, we were terrible together. Even if we ended up getting hitched, it probably wouldn’t have lasted very long - either that or the both of us would’ve just been miserable for the rest of our lives. It’d be a rehash of my parents’ shitty marriage and I wouldn’t have wanted that.” When Dom still doesn’t look convinced, Darlene sighs again and raises her hands to place them on the sides of Dom’s head. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. How many times do I have to say it before you finally believe it?”

Dom shrugs again. “I dunno.”

Darlene rolls her eyes and pulls her in so that their foreheads are touching. “Jesus, Dom - I tried to steal from you. I forced you to work for the Dark Army and I put your entire family in danger. It was my fault you spent Christmas in the hospital with a hole in your chest.” She laughs out of disbelief. “Fuck, I straight up killed someone, and yet you’re still here. You showed up and you stayed, even when you really shouldn’t. Why the fuck would I let you go now? I’d be the stupidest person in the world if I did.” She gestures towards the redhead. “And what about you? You bailed on your last proposal too, and you said you thought the person you were dating at the time was _the one.”_

“I snuck out because I wasn’t ready either.” Dom shrugs a third time. There’s a brief pause; the blush on her cheeks is gradually worsening. “And they obviously weren’t the one.” She swallows. “You are.”

Darlene’s eyes soften as she rises up on her tiptoes to briefly kiss her on the mouth. “I love you, okay? You make me happy - happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life. Everything’s gotten so much better since you came along, and things just keep getting better the longer you’re here.” She raises her right hand again, wiggling her ring finger to call attention to the diamond ring wrapped around it. “I want to do this with you. You’re my Plan A, remember?”

Dom can feel her eyes stinging, and the stinging only gets worse when she realizes Darlene’s eyes are also glossy with unshed tears. The both of them share a round of hushed, watery laughter before they lean in for a kiss.

“I love you too.” Dom murmurs against her lips.

“I hope so.” Darlene smirks. “Or this proposal just got really awkward.”

The both of them laugh again before sharing another kiss, and then Darlene drags the redhead to their bedroom to finish off the rest of the night’s celebrations.

* * *

It takes Dom a couple of weeks to muster up the courage to tell Trudie the good news, and when she finally does, she instantly regrets it. Her ears finally stop ringing an hour after Trudie stops wailing with excitement, but then she’s forced to listen to her mother’s plans for the wedding. She tunes out about twenty seconds in, but she vaguely remembers hearing something about inviting the whole family and doing the ceremony at the same church she got married in. Honestly, Dom doesn’t give a shit what the actual ceremony looks like; she’s more than happy to just traipse into City Hall one day and sign whatever needs to be signed in order to make it official. Darlene suggests eloping to Vegas, but when Dom seriously considers it, she hastily mentions that it’s just a joke.

“Your mom would kill us if we did that.” She laughs one quiet Sunday morning over breakfast. “Dude, just let her plan it. She’s paying for a big chunk of it anyway.”

“I told her not to.” Dom runs a hand down her face before reaching for her coffee. “I said we didn’t want to do anything big or fancy.”

“You’re the last out of her three kids to get hitched. She probably wants to go out with a bang.” Darlene shrugs.

“You know she’s gonna make you wear a dress, right?” Dom snorts. “And she believes in all of that superstitious crap - something old, something new, or whatever.”

Darlene shrugs again. “I’ll find a way to work with it.” She throws her a grin. “I think she’ll like that I’m gonna let her fuss over me, because your outfit will be stupidly easy to figure out. You have plenty of blazers to choose from.”

The redhead rolls her eyes. “Shut up.”

Dom manages to talk Trudie into cutting their guest list in half (The original list was so big they would’ve needed to rent an entire banquet hall to fit everyone) and holding the ceremony in their backyard instead of a church. Trudie’s garden is more than enough to fit a moderately sized wedding reception.

The next month is spent arguing with her mother over trivial details like the colour scheme (“Red obviously has to be in there somewhere.”; “Darlene, c’mon-”; “Your fiancée’s right, Dominique. It wouldn’t be your wedding if red wasn’t in it.”), flowers, photographers, videographers, invitations, catering - Trudie is so meticulous with planning that they even fight over the brand of chairs she wants to rent.

The only thing Trudie doesn’t touch is their wedding bands. Dom takes Darlene to the same shop where she got her engagement ring, introduces her to the jeweller who helped her out - “I told you she was gonna say yes!” - and they sit down for a couple hours to talk pricing and designs. After taking some time to discuss it amongst themselves, the pair head back to the shop a couple weeks later to confirm their choices. Both will be made out of platinum; Darlene’s is polished and slightly thinner than her engagement ring so it can seamlessly stack beneath it, and Dom’s band is thicker, about four millimetres wide, with a satin finish and polished beveled edges. Platinum is expensive as hell so she complains about it first, but Darlene won’t let her have it.

“I know you paid out the ass for this,” She raises her hand, and the diamond sitting on her ring finger dutifully twinkles beneath the shop’s sharp ceiling lights. “So don’t even talk.”

Both rings have their wedding date engraved on the inside: October 22nd of next year, the same day Darlene tried to steal Dom’s badge out of her safe, the same day Dom asked Darlene to move in with her, and the same day Dom asked Darlene to marry her. It seems like such a long time from now, but planning a wedding is hectic - so hectic, in fact, that it makes the time fly. Before the both of them know it, there’s only a month left, and they’re sitting in bed having a disagreement over last names.

“It really doesn’t sound that bad.” Dom rolls her eyes as she adjusts her glasses.

Darlene stops looking at Paris honeymoon packages on her phone so she can glare at her. “It’s a mouthful. I don’t wanna keep introducing myself as _Darlene Alderson-DiPierro_. _”_

Dom scoffs. “This isn’t the fifties. No one has to take anyone’s last name. You can keep yours, and I can keep mine.”

“I already made my decision, okay?” Darlene sighs. “There’s nothing you can do to change my mind, so stop trying to convince me.”

Dom furrows her brow. “I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s just a name.”

“Exactly, so why does it matter if I want to drop mine and take yours instead?” Darlene shakes her head and returns to her phone.

Dom heaves a sigh and scoots closer to her, throwing an arm around her waist and pressing her cheek on her shoulder. “Tell me why you _actually_ want to take my name. I know there’s a reason.”

Darlene keeps her eyes trained on her phone, but Dom can easily spot the strained expression on her face. She reaches up to place a hand on her cheek, turning her head so that she’s forced to make eye contact with her. “C’mon,” Dom lifts her head off Darlene’s shoulder so she can drop a kiss to her forehead. “Talk to me.”

Darlene’s shoulders shrink as she heaves a dramatic sigh. She places her phone on the shelf behind their bed and twists around so that her body is facing hers. “My dad didn’t care if I existed or not. My mom hated my fucking guts. I couldn’t live in that house. I hate everything associated with my parents. Sharing a name with them is a constant reminder of all of the things I wanted to get away from.”

“There’s Elliot.”

“Elliot wouldn’t give a shit if I ditched our last name. I bet he hates it just as much as I do. He’d go without one if he could.” She reaches up to place one hand over Dom’s. “I know I don’t need to take your name, but I want to because your family is everything mine wasn’t. They’re good people. They treat me and Elliot like we’re a part of them.”

Dom throws her a smile. “That’s because you are. You don’t need to share a name with them to prove that.”

Darlene manages a small smile of her own before she leans in to kiss her. “These past few years were all about change and starting over. Getting married to you and taking your name is just another way for me to keep doing both of those things.”

Dom sighs, but her expression eventually relaxes, and she smiles at her again before kissing her on the lips. “Okay. If this is what you really want, then we’ll do it.”

“I do want it.” Darlene kisses her again. “Plus,” She flashes the redhead a toothy grin. _“Darlene DiPierro_ has a nice ring to it. Get it? ‘Cause you got me a-”

“I get it, thanks.” Dom rolls her eyes, but leans in for a fourth kiss anyway. “Maybe getting you a ring wasn’t such a great idea after all.”

Darlene snorts. “But how else were you gonna prove your undying, everlasting love for me?”

Dom’s cheeks start to burn, and she tries to laugh it off. “I could’ve walked into some shitty tattoo shop and gotten your name inked on my ass.”

“Oh, God.” Darlene wrinkles her nose with disgust. “I’m so glad you didn’t. Cisco was dumb enough to do something like that and I gave him so much shit for it.”

“What?” Dom laughs out of disbelief. “He didn’t.”

“It was this huge, ugly ass barcode on his arm that spelled my name out if you scanned it.” Darlene runs a finger from her right elbow to her wrist. “He really thought he was being cute. It’s literally the grossest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”

“Well, it’s the thought that counts, I guess.” Dom shrugs.

“He barely put any thought into it.” Darlene rolls her eyes. “If he actually gave a shit and made more of an effort to know me better, he would’ve known I’d hate it.” She sighs. “But none of that matters anymore ‘cause I’m with you now, and I’m wearing _your_ stupid ring.”

Dom grins. “So...you’re saying I should cancel my tattoo appointment? I’d really hate to, ‘cause I already put a deposit down and everything.”

Darlene laughs. “You’re the fucking worst.”

She pulls her in for a fifth kiss.

* * *

Darlene is the only one out of the two of them who’s looking forward to a bachelorette party, and rightfully so: She gets to spend an entire weekend with Elliot, Leon, and Bill in Atlantic City, which means casinos, clubs, bars, and a shit ton of alcohol. She claims this is her last chance to get it out of her system before she finally has to settle down and be boring forever.

Dom, on the other hand, is so burned out by the planning process that she doesn’t want any pre-wedding celebration at all, but Trudie insists that her brothers, who are also her bridesmen, plan something for her because _it’s tradition_ and she needs a proper send off to her pre-married life. Since Dom already turned Trudie down for a bridal shower and a rehearsal dinner (Because they’re both pointless and a waste of money), she begrudgingly allows her brothers to throw a small party at their mother’s house under the condition that there would be no surprises or stupid gimmicks which include but are not restricted to: Corny outfits and accessories, genitalia-shaped decorations and food, sex-themed games, and strippers.

“Boring.” Darlene rolls her eyes.

“I am _not_ eating a boob or ass-shaped cake that my family bought for me,” Dom mutters. “Or even worse - _made_ for me.”

Darlene laughs so hard that tears squeeze out of her eyes. “Oh man, I would pay to see that.”

Darlene, being Darlene, goes all out for her weekend away. She forces her entourage to wear matching t-shirts with her, purposely choosing the tackiest ones for the sake of her own amusement: A white shirt for her with the words _Pop the champagne, I’m changing my last name_ in black cursive, and black shirts with different, equally terrible quotes in gold cursive for the guys: _How merlot can you go_ for Bill, _You can’t sip with us_ for Leon, and _Hit me baby one more wine_ for Elliot.

“Wow.” Dom’s gaping at the huge black Escalade parked by the curb in front of their apartment building. Leon, Bill, and Elliot are standing by the car in their shirts - and yes, Elliot’s the only one who looks like he doesn’t want to be there. “They’re actually wearing them.”

“Of course they are.” Darlene scoffs as she adjusts the straps on her backpack. “It’s _my_ bachelorette, and they’re _my_ bridesmen, so they have to do everything I say.”

“Yo, boss.” Leon calls her over, and she grins at him. “Let’s get this party started.”

Darlene quickly places her hands on Dom’s cheeks and rises on her tiptoes to kiss her. “I love you. Have fun with your family, and try not to kill yourself. I want a wedding, not a funeral, when I get back.”

“I’ll try. I love you too, and be careful.” Dom smirks. “I’ll keep an eye out for any homicide or missing persons reports.”

“Very funny.” Darlene flashes her one last grin before bounding over to her brother and friends. Leon places a bedazzled plastic crown with the words _Bride and Bougie_ emblazoned on the front on her head, and Elliot heaves a sigh before reluctantly taking her bags and heading to the back of the car so he can toss them into the trunk.

Dom doesn’t head to Philadelphia until the next day, and just as she expected, it’s everything she doesn’t want. Even though her brothers were behind the guest list and they promised her they’d keep it small, Trudie ends up inviting all of her immediate family, some extended family, and even a few members of her church group. She’s forced to wear a pink and white sash with the words _Bride To Be_ printed on the front for the entire day, and Jerry cheekily supplies the boob-shaped cake _and_ ass-shaped cookies. Thankfully there aren’t any strippers, but there are plenty of sex-themed games that Joseph cleverly put together, most of which are so raunchy that her face goes red as she tries to describe them to Elliot when he calls her later that evening after the party finally comes to an end.

“My mom’s church group was _really_ into the games.” Dom shakes her head. “It just made the whole day so much worse.”

“That still sounds way better than what’s happening here.” He grumbles. There’s music blaring and she can hear Bill and Leon talking but she can’t make out what they’re saying.

“IS THAT MY WIFE?” Dom can hear Darlene drunkenly screaming somewhere in the background, and she laughs as Elliot sighs. “ARE YOU TALKING TO MY WIFE? ELLIOT, HEY-”

“Sounds like she’s having the time of her life.” Dom chuckles.

“She’s been wasted since we got here.” There’s the sound of something like glass or porcelain shattering against a hard surface, followed by Darlene and Leon cheering _Opa!_ “Shit. Dom, I gotta go.”

“I think you just lost your security deposit.” Dom laughs again. “Take care of her for me, okay? And you be careful too.”

“I will.” Elliot hangs up, and Dom shakes her head before tossing her phone on the nightstand and pulling off her glasses.

Darlene’s already back by the time Dom finally returns home on Sunday evening; she’s lying face down in their bed, sprawled out on the mattress. Her bags are carelessly tossed on the floor and her crown is sitting on their dresser, cracked in half with three of its points missing.

Dom sits next to her and threads her fingers through her hair. “Hey.”

Darlene rolls on her back and reaches for her with her eyes closed, grabbing her by the shirt and tugging until she’s lying next to her. She throws her arms around Dom’s torso and groans into her shoulder. “Kill me.”

Dom kisses the top of her head. “On a scale of one to ten, how hungover are you right now?”

“Five hundred and twelve.” Darlene mumbles into her shirt, and when Dom laughs she groans again and nuzzles closer. “I missed you.”

“It’s only been a couple days.” The redhead chuckles.

“Still.” Darlene sighs. “It was fun and all, but it would’ve been better if you were there.”

Dom runs a hand through her hair. “My weekend would’ve been a lot less painful if you were with me too.”

Darlene nudges Dom’s jawline with her nose, smiling when the redhead glances downwards to kiss her. “We’re getting married next week.” She murmurs against her mouth. “Crazy, huh?”

“A little, yeah.” Dom reaches out to tuck a strand of hair behind Darlene’s ear.

“Honestly, I feel sorry for you.” Darlene buries her face into Dom’s neck. “You _just_ got used to calling me your girlfriend, and you can barely keep a straight face when you call me your fiancée. I dunno how you’re gonna be able to call me your wi-”

“I’d rather not think about that now.” Dom hastily cuts in, and when Darlene laughs she rolls her eyes. “Shut the hell up.”

“Well, you’re gonna have to get used to it.” Darlene laughs again. “Once we say our vows and exchange rings, you’re officially stuck with me forever.”

“I would’ve been stuck with you forever even if we weren’t getting married.” Dom mutters.

Darlene flashes her a grin as she pulls the redhead in for another kiss. “You still have time to change your mind.”

Dom snorts. “And lose all of the deposits on the shit we had to rent out?”

“Good to know that the deposits are the only things keeping this relationship alive.” Darlene laughs. Her expression softens just a bit, as well as her tone. “You sure you want to do this?”

Dom furrows her brow. “If I wasn’t sure, I wouldn’t have asked you.”

“I know, but...” She bites her bottom lip and breaks eye contact. “Its just that, well... _I_ wouldn’t marry me.”

“I don’t even think that’s legal.” Dom chuckles, and Darlene rolls her eyes before laughing with her.

“Fuck off, I’m being serious.” She sighs again as she shrugs her small shoulders. “I know weddings are really just for show, but it’s still kind of a big deal. You don’t do this with just anyone.”

“But you’re not just anyone.” Dom laughs again before moving in to kiss her on the forehead.

“Yeah, but-”

“Darlene.” The redhead slides an index finger beneath Darlene’s chin, tilting her head up just enough so that they’re making eye contact again. “I could’ve changed my mind a long time ago if I really wanted to. Why would I do that now?”

“‘Cause I’m me.” Darlene mutters before shrugging again, and when Dom laughs she narrows her eyes. “What?”

Dom shifts her hand from Darlene’s chin to her cheek. “That’s exactly the reason why I want to do this with you.” She kisses her forehead a second time. “I‘ve always loved you. It doesn’t matter who you were, who you are, or who you’ll become - I’ll love you tomorrow, I’ll love you next week, I’ll love you ten years from now, and I’ll love you fifty, eighty, a hundred years from now. I meant it when I said I was always going to feel this way.”

Darlene’s eyelashes quiver as her eyes well up. Her laugh is breathy and incredulous when Dom brushes her tears away. “You were supposed to save all of that for the wedding.”

The redhead smiles. “That was just a teaser.” She leans in to kiss her. “Look, I’m scared as shit-”

“Mood.”

“-but I’m excited too.” She links hands with her and jostles them, smiling when the ring on Darlene’s finger sparkles back at them. “Jesus H, Darlene - we’re getting married. _Married!”_ She laughs out of disbelief and grins when Darlene joins in. “I can’t see myself doing this with anyone else. I’m supposed to be doing this with you. I just know it.”

Darlene looks like she might cry again, but she manages to laugh it off. After Dom kisses her again, she throws her a small smile. “I love you too, asshole. Like I said, you’re stuck with me forever. Sucks for you.”

Dom smiles back before moving in for another kiss.

“I’m okay with that.”

* * *

Today’s the day.

Trudie adamantly keeps the pair separated, with Darlene getting ready on the topmost floor and Dom getting ready in her brother’s old room in the basement. She even forces one of Dom’s nephews to stand guard by the stairs to ensure that anyone who isn’t supposed to be up there stays out.

“Are you sure?” Dom frowns. Her eyes shift away from her reflection in the mirror towards Elliot’s, who’s standing right behind her.

“Yes.” He chuckles. “You look great, Dom.”

Dom is decked out in a three piece navy blue suit (Custom tailored with her name and wedding date embroidered on the inner lining, forcefully purchased by her mother) with a boutonnière made of a single red rose accented with small white and baby blue flowers. She’s wearing a crisp white shirt underneath with the top button on her collar undone, and the three-point folded pocket square sticking out of her outside breast pocket is a deep wine red. Her outfit is topped off with a pair of dark brown oxfords and a matching belt, and her vibrant red hair is artfully tossed over her right shoulder.

“I dunno.” She mutters as she adjusts her collar. “I think I look like a flight attendant. Do you want the chicken or the fish? Care for a spare blanket? Headphones for twelve dollars?”

Elliot laughs and shakes his head. “You’re just nervous.”

“When am I _not_ nervous?” She groans. “I’ve been nervous all my life.”

“Dom.” She whirls around to face him. Elliot’s wearing a light grey suit with a white shirt; his pocket square and tie are the same shade of navy blue as her suit. His boutonnière is a single white rose accented with the same small blue flowers. “You look good. Trust me.”

“You’re just saying that to be nice.” She sighs.

“I’m not.” He assures her. “She’s going to love it. You might even make her cry.”

She laughs before turning back towards the mirror, frowning at her reflection as she smooths out her jacket. “This is it, huh?” Dom chuckles to herself. “It’s really happening. No turning back now.”

“It is.” He smiles. “I think you’re ready, though.”

“Yo.” The door cracks open and Leon pops his head into the room. “It’s go time.”

Dom’s knees suddenly feel like they’re disintegrating. “Oh, God.”

“You’re gonna be fine.” Elliot jerks his head towards the door. “C’mon, let’s go.”

Trudie’s backyard is completely transformed for today’s festivities. There’s a slightly raised wooden stage at the far end; four pillars stick out from each corner with a set of string lights wrapped around them at the top so that it forms a halo-like glow over the floorboards. Every single seat is taken; Dom scans the crowd and recognizes members of her family, Trudie’s church group, her boss and other colleagues, and even a few of Elliot and Darlene’s coworkers. The string quartet Trudie hired is seated just a few feet away from the stage (Dom insisted on just playing music from a Bluetooth speaker or something, but of course her mother wouldn’t have it) and they’re playing something soft and sappy. The whole place is covered with so many red and white flowers you’d think it’s springtime instead of late autumn.

Dom is standing in the kitchen, peering out into the garden from the sliding door. Her hands are shaking so bad she has to shove them in her pockets. Elliot’s no longer there to keep her company; Trudie dragged him off to be with Darlene.

“Look at you!” Trudie grabs her daughter by the elbow and forces her to turn around so that they’re facing each other. “You look way better than your brothers did when they got married. It’s a good thing we saved the best for last, huh?”

Dom rolls her eyes as her mother reaches towards her to tug on the lapels on her jacket. “Ma, c’mon.”

“I’m serious.” The tip of Trudie’s tongue pokes out of the corner of her mouth as she adjusts Dom’s boutonnière; when she’s done, she steps back and gazes at her with her hands clasped beneath her chin. “Oh, hon-” She sniffles as her eyes glaze over with tears, and Dom groans. “You’re so beautiful. I can’t believe this day is finally here. My baby girl’s all grown up and getting herself married.”

“How’s...?” Desperate to change the subject, Dom’s cheeks begin to burn as she points to the ceiling.

Trudie laughs as she wipes her tears away. “Bright as a button. Wait ‘til you see her, Dom - she’ll knock your socks off.”

That just makes her even more nervous. The redhead sucks in a breath and swallows hard; Trudie must sense her anxiety, because she throws her a comforting smile and pulls her in for a hug. “I know what you’re feeling right now, and it’s perfectly normal. You’re gonna do great, hon. Try and relax.”

“I’ve been trying all day.” The redhead mutters as the minister beckons them over.

“It’s time.” Trudie grins as the string quartet’s music fades and the guests settle in their seats. Dom feels like she’s going to have a heart attack; she feels her mother reassuringly gripping her bicep and she sees her father coming around the corner, and she closes her eyes in a flimsy attempt to calm herself, but nothing’s working.

The quartet starts to play again. The minister walks the aisle first, followed by Dom’s grandmother, and then the five of the six bridesmen: Both of Dom’s brothers, her oldest nephew, Bill, and Leon.

Now it’s her turn.

Both of Dom’s parents give her an encouraging nod before she sucks in a deep breath and takes a step forward. Everyone’s eyes are on her as she marches down the aisle with her parents on each arm, and it doesn’t help quell her nerves. The music is suddenly too loud, the lights are too bright, it’s really warm, and her collar feels like it’s pinching her neck.

She somehow makes it up the small steps onto the stage, where the minister is waiting for her with an annoyingly serene smile on his face. Her father kisses her on the forehead and her mother kisses both of her cheeks before they take a seat in the front aisle next to her nonna, who’s already halfway through her first box of tissues.

She takes her spot in front of the minister, quickly glancing behind her and smiling nervously when her brothers and nephew wink back and give her the thumbs up. When Dom looks to the other side of the stage, Leon gives her a nod of approval, and Bill excitedly waves at her with one hand. All five of them are in the same grey suit and navy tie getup as Elliot.

After the ring bearer - Dom’s youngest nephew - bravely walks the aisle on his own and hands Dom the bands, the quartet changes tune, everyone suddenly rises to their feet, and Dom’s heart jumps to her throat. She turns to face the aisle, and her mouth runs dry when she finally spots Darlene at the opposite end, beaming back at her with one arm looped around her brother’s.

Her dress is sleeveless and strapless with a lace bodice - definitely her choice, because Trudie would’ve gone for something a lot more old fashioned. Her skirt hugs her hips, but it blossoms halfway down her legs, flowing elegantly as she walks closer towards the stage. Her hair is tied into a bun with a few loose wavy strands framing her face, and there’s a thin flower crown wrapped around her head adorned with the same little white and blue flowers mottled on Dom’s and the bridesmen’s boutonnières. Her veil is clipped to the back of the crown, cascading halfway down her back. The bouquet she’s holding is lush with red roses, dotted here and there with the same tiny white and blue flowers.

It’s a shame Trudie is so strict with tradition, because while Darlene looks amazing in white, Dom thinks she’d look ethereal if she was allowed to pick any other colour. Knowing Darlene, she’d probably pick something wacky to make it more memorable - maybe a bright purple, or a garish shade of orange. It doesn’t really matter, because Dom knows she’d look perfect no matter what.

Dom’s eyes suddenly go blurry with tears, and she laughs out of disbelief before hastily raising a hand to wipe them away. Trudie’s already bawling, and her nonna is leaning across her dad (Who is also crying, but is trying very hard not to make it look obvious) so she can pass some tissues over. When the Aldersons step onto the stage, Elliot gives his sister a hug before joining Bill and Leon, and Darlene finally moves to stand beside Dom.

“Hi.” She whispers with a grin as the music begins to decrescendo and the guests sit back down. The early evening sun burns orange in her large blue irises. “Come here often?”

Dom is still trying to remember how to speak. She lets out a short gasp of laughter before shaking her head; when Darlene lifts her skirt just enough to tease the pair of black combat boots she’s wearing underneath, she laughs again before they half-turn to face the minister. The sun is just on the verge of setting, spreading bold shades of yellow, orange, purple, pink, and red across the sky; it’s the perfect backdrop.

The redhead half-listens to him drone on about everlasting love; she’s too enthralled with the woman standing beside her to fully pay attention. She stares at Darlene out of the corner of her eye for the minister’s entire monologue, and she can tell Darlene knows she’s looking at her because there’s a small, impish smirk on her face; it’s the same look she gives her when she realizes one of her dumb jokes landed, or when she knows she successfully pulled Dom out of another depressive episode. It’s the same look Darlene gives Dom when she drags her out of their apartment for another unplanned adventure around the city, and it’s the same look she gives her when Dom tells her she loves her after coming down from one of her panic attacks.

Dom is yanked out of her thoughts when the minister suddenly calls her name. She raises her head to look at him, her eyes widening just a little bit when she realizes he’s asking her if she’ll take Darlene as her wife and if she’ll promise to love, cherish, honour, and protect her, forsaking all others, and holding only onto her forevermore.

“I do.” Her voice is at least two octaves higher than normal.

When the minister asks Darlene the same question, the smirk on her face expands into a giddy, excitable grin, and she nods enthusiastically.

“Hell yeah.” The crowd laughs, and the minister can’t help but chuckle too.

Now it’s time for them to exchange vows and rings. Dom gulps when he tells her to _repeat after me,_ and she forces herself to make eye contact with Darlene, who’s still smirking.

The redhead somehow manages to get through her vows without stammering or spontaneously bursting into a fit of anxiety-ridden laughter. Darlene’s eyes are locked onto her the whole time; at some points she looked like she was trying to hold in her own laughter, but her eyes soften as Dom trudges through her vows, and by the time she’s finished and it’s her turn, her eyes are glossy with tears.

It’s impossible not to cry when Darlene starts reciting her vows. Dom can’t keep a straight face; she tries biting her bottom lip, but for some reason that just makes the tears flow faster. By the time Darlene’s done, Dom is a crying mess, and Darlene laughs softly before tenderly reaching up to wipe her tears away (Which only makes Trudie and Nonna cry even harder).

“May I have the rings, please?” The minister is looking at her again. Dom reaches into her jacket’s inside pocket, fishing out the rings with a trembling hand before passing them over. He says his spiel before locking eyes with Dom a third time and politely requesting for her to repeat after him again.

Similar to their engagement, Dom’s nerves are so fried that she struggles with slipping the ring onto Darlene’s finger. It doesn’t help that she has to recite whatever the minister is telling her at the same time. To make things worse, the crowd laughs a little, which only makes Dom’s hand shake even more, thus resulting in her taking even longer to put the ring on. She gets it eventually, and when Darlene effortlessly mirrors the minister’s words and slides Dom’s ring onto her finger within a matter of seconds, the crowd laughs again before the minister cheerily tells them that they can now seal their newly formed union with a kiss.

Darlene is grinning from ear to ear, while Dom is standing still, paralyzed with performance anxiety. When Darlene realizes Dom isn’t going to move, she rolls her eyes, tosses her bouquet to the floor so she can place both hands on the sides of Dom’s head, and aggressively pulls her down for a kiss, which prompts the audience to laugh again before exploding with applause and enthusiastic cheers. When Darlene pulls away from her, Dom’s eyes are half-open and unfocused, and her mouth is slightly parted with soft shock. She’s still trying to process what just happened, but it doesn’t fully sink in until Darlene reaches for her hand and turns to face the crowd. Dom mimics her movements, and when the minister finally announces them as officially married, the crowd claps and cheers louder, and Dom sheepishly ducks her head as if that’ll alleviate the worst of her embarrassment.

Darlene gently tugs on her hand as she makes her way towards the end of the stage and down the small set of steps. Dom dumbly follows along, pausing to pick up the discarded bouquet along the way so Darlene can hold onto it with her free hand. The redhead stumbles for a bit, clumsily lumbering after her new bride as her coworkers and family clap and hoot all around them; she finally falls into step with Darlene halfway down the aisle, her hand firmly holding onto hers as they walk together, and they turn their heads to smile at each other just as the photographer snaps their photo.

They head back into the house to sign their marriage license. Dom gawks at the little piece of paper sitting before her; she eyes Darlene’s signature right next to hers (“I think this is the first official government document I’ve ever signed - like, _actually_ signed, not forged.”; “Darlene, are you serious?”)and her stomach feels like it’s doing somersaults. They are now legally recognized as a married couple. It’s real - well, okay, it was always real, but it’s real in the eyes of the law now. It’s real in every sense of the word.

They head back out with the wedding party to take more photos as the guests pile inside for hors d’oeurves and refreshments. Once they’re done, they return to the house so the setup crew can prep the backyard for the reception. Trudie forces the newly wedded couple to make their rounds; they shake hands, hug every guest, and listen to their generic well wishes and congratulations.

“Who the fuck was that?” Darlene whispers just as they part ways with an elderly couple.

“Dunno.” Dom shrugs. “I’ve never seen them before.”

“Your mom is either _really_ popular, or they’re here to crash.” Darlene laughs as she wraps a hand around the redhead’s bicep. “I really hope it’s the latter. Can we be like them when we’re old? I’d love to waltz into some whippersnapper’s wedding and stir up some drama just for shits and giggles.”

Dom chuckles and shakes her head just as another unfamiliar elderly couple approaches them. “Sure.”

When the backyard is finally ready, everyone heads back outside. The stage is still there, now serving its purpose as a dance floor with a DJ booth at the far end, but the chairs are no longer arranged for a wedding ceremony; they’re framed around rows of long solid wood tables sitting vertically beneath a large white tent. Rows of string lights run horizontally across the ceiling of the tent, cutting through the pitch black evening darkness and casting everything in a soft warm glow. The quartet is still playing music in the background, and there’s another table off to the side for gifts and the guestbook. There’s a head table right in front of the stage, situated horizontally so that the wedding party can face their guests.

“Come, my darling wife.” Darlene throws Dom another grin as she takes her hand so she can pull her to their table. Dom’s pretty sure they’ve never held hands this much in the entire six years they’ve been together (Not that she’s complaining). “Let us dine with a shit ton of people we barely know.”

The table settings are decorated with the same flowers found on Darlene’s bouquet and Dom’s boutonnière. They sit in the middle of the table, flanked by their bridesmen, Dom’s parents, and Dom’s nonna.

The food is amazing, mostly because Trudie and Nonna spent a good chunk of the day taste testing everything the catering crew brought in to ensure that everything is made to their satisfaction. Jerry and Joseph share the microphone while everyone is enjoying their meals, embarrassing Dom and delighting the crowd with a handful of funny stories from their childhood. Elliot takes the spotlight afterward; his speech is more on the heartfelt side, emphasizing how proud he is of his sister and how much she’s grown over the years, but just when it was getting too sentimental he jokingly promises that he won’t rope her into another scheme to ruin rich peoples' lives, and the crowd erupts with laughter.

The catering crew wheels in the cake - a minimalistic white three-tiered concoction with off-white edible sugar roses tumbling from the top left of the top tier to the bottom right of the lowest tier, lovingly made by Nonna - and Darlene delights the entire garden when she cuts out a piece and smashes it into Dom’s face. The redhead retaliates by nuzzling her cake and icing mottled face against her bride’s before kissing her on the mouth, and their guests laugh and clap some more. Once they're both cleaned up, Darlene tosses her bouquet, and it lands straight into Bill's unsuspecting (But also pleasantly surprised) hands.

When it’s finally time for the first dance, Darlene drags Dom up to the stage just as John Prine’s Angel From Montgomery fades in from the DJ booth’s speakers (Trudie insisted on choosing a less depressing song, but Dom stubbornly refused to back down - “Any reason why it has to be _this_ song, of all songs?”; “You won’t get it.”). Dom’s nerves are getting the best of her again, but Darlene makes it bearable, smiling at her the whole time with her hands resting on her shoulders.

“Just pretend everyone’s naked or something. I heard that works.”

Dom scrunches her nose in disgust. “No thanks - I do _not_ want to picture my family naked.”

Darlene laughs. “Fair enough.” She leans in to rest her head on Dom’s shoulder, sighing contentedly as her eyes slowly close. “You look hot, by the way. You need to dress like this for work.”

“It’s too much effort for work.” Dom snorts as she tightens her arms around Darlene to pull her closer. “You look great too.”

“Yeah, but I look great all the time, so it’s not that big of a deal.”

Dom rolls her eyes. “Are you saying I don’t look great every day?”

Darlene shrugs. “You’re a solid six on a good day.”

“Asshole.” The redhead scoffs, and when Darlene laughs she shakes her head. “Having a good time so far?”

“I’m having a great time.” She grins up at her. “Mostly because I love watching your family embarrass the hell out of you.”

Dom shakes her head. “Elliot should’ve talked about that time he kissed you.”

“Oh, that would’ve been amazing.” Darlene laughs. “Now I’m disappointed he didn’t bring it up. Can you imagine how your mom and grandma would’ve looked if he said it? Man, what a wasted opportunity.”

“Are you just immune to shame?” Dom’s expression is aghast.

“The trick is to not have any shame at all.” Darlene’s grin is back full force. “I mean, I married you, didn’t I?”

“You’re hilarious.” Their conversation is interrupted with a chorus of utensils clinking against glasses, and Dom heaves another sigh. “Are you fucking kidding me? This is, like, the fourth time in the past hour.”

“Peer pressured public displays of affection are the best things about weddings when you’re not the one getting married. You should know this.” Darlene reaches up to grab Dom by the face, grinning again before pulling her in for a kiss, and the crowd cheers. “See? Give them what they want and they’ll leave you alone. It’s easy.”

“I feel like a circus monkey.” The redhead mutters. “I only exist for their entertainment.”

“Isn’t that what weddings are all about?” Darlene chuckles; she cups a hand behind Dom’s neck and pulls her in so that their foreheads are pressed together. “Who cares about them - focus on what we just did today. Jesus...we’re fucking _married,_ Dom. You’re my wife.” She laughs out of disbelief, and Dom can’t help but join in too.

“And you’re mine.” She murmurs back just as the song comes to an end.

Dom closes the gap between them with another kiss, and the crowd cheers again.

* * *

It’s been a whirlwind of a day, and it felt like it was never going to end, but it did somehow, and the newly married couple find themselves back at their building (“It would be so much easier if you two just stayed over!”; “Oh my God, Ma - I’m not spending my wedding night at my _mom’s_ house.”) later that evening.

Darlene forces Dom to carry her all the way up the stairs and into their apartment - “It’s called _bridal_ style for a reason, Dom.”; “Can’t we just walk up the stairs together and I can carry you when we’re on our floor?”; “No.” _-_ and when they finally get there they collapse in bed together, still dressed in their wedding attire. They’re lying on their backs, staring at the ceiling in disbelief.

Today actually happened.

Everything was real.

They’re married now.

_Married._

Darlene speaks first; she rolls on her side and reaches out to place a hand on Dom’s cheek, turning her head so that she can lean in and bump noses with her.

“Hi.” She smiles.

A soft, breathy laugh passes between Dom’s lips. “Hi.” She kisses her, smiling when Darlene purrs contentedly. “Busy day?”

Darlene chuckles against her mouth. “Very.” She reaches for Dom’s hand and starts to play with her wedding band, twisting it left and right between her index finger and thumb. “Nice ring you got there.”

Dom flashes her a grin. “Do you like it? I just got it today.”

“It’s nice, but...” Darlene smirks and raises her hand to show off her stacked engagement-and-wedding-band ring combo. “I like mine better.”

The redhead laughs again before leaning in for another kiss. “Yours is alright.”

Darlene rolls on top of her and kisses her again, but she abruptly pulls away a couple seconds later. “You know what I just realized?”

“What?”

“We leave for our honeymoon in twenty-four hours and I haven’t started packing yet.” She lifts her upper body away from Dom’s so she can half-turn to face the closet; Dom’s bag is already zipped up and ready to go, and Darlene’s is still lying on the floor with its flap open, completely empty.

The redhead laughs. “I’m not surprised.” She pulls her back in, smiling when their foreheads touch. “We can worry about that tomorrow morning.”

Darlene grins. “After you make me pancakes.”

“Seriously?” Dom groans.

“We can’t deviate from tradition just because we got hitched today.” Darlene rolls her eyes. “You’ve been making me pancakes every morning after this specific day for the past five years; if anything, getting married only makes the pancakes more important.”

“So?” Dom raises an eyebrow at her. “There isn’t a legal obligation that says I _have_ to do it for you.”

“Well, you _did_ vow to love and cherish me forever, and making me pancakes is, like, the ultimate form of love-”

“No it’s not!” Dom laughs incredulously. “If making you pancakes is the be all end all, then we wouldn’t have needed to get married.”

“Okay, but think about it for a second.“ Darlene gestures with one hand. “Imagine waking up in the morning, and the first thing you see is your impossibly beautiful, amazing, perfect-”

“Don’t push it.”

“-wife, and you’re just so entranced by her incandescence that you become overwhelmed with adoration and love.”

Dom snorts. “Which bargain bin romance did you pull that one from?”

“Shut the fuck up - you love me and you know it.” Darlene shoots her a quick glare. “Anyways, you decide to express these overwhelming feelings of adoration and love by making your lovely wife some breakfast, and then we spend our first morning together as a blissfully wedded couple enjoying the pancakes you poured your heart and soul into.” Darlene smirks when the redhead rolls her eyes. “And then we live happily ever after. Doesn’t that sound romantic?”

“Not really.” Dom mutters.

Darlene groans as she headbutts her shoulder. “I just want my wife to make me pancakes. Is that too much to ask for?”

Dom sighs and rolls her eyes a second time. “Does my lovely...” She pauses to clear her throat. _“...wife...”_ Her cheeks go red, and they get even redder when she spots the triumphant grin spread wide across Darlene’s lips. “...really want me to make her pancakes for breakfast?”

Darlene nods eagerly. “She really does.”

The redhead sighs again before moving in to kiss Darlene’s forehead. “I hate you so fucking much.”

Darlene glances up at her with that same, annoyingly wide grin. “So...is that a yes?”

“What the hell do you think?”

Darlene snickers, which only prompts Dom to sigh again. “I love how I can get you to do whatever I want. Marrying you was a good choice on my part.”

Dom shakes her head. “Is it too early to file for a divorce?”

Darlene laughs. “I call dibs on the apartment.”

“It was _my_ apartment first!”

“And it was _my_ idea to renovate it, so technically it’s more mine than yours now. That’s what you get for not signing a prenup.” She grins again, and when Dom groans she laughs before burying her face into her neck. “Today was really nice.”

Dom smiles down at her as she starts to run her palm up and down Darlene’s back. “It was.”

Darlene shifts a little to make herself more comfortable, sighing against Dom’s skin before closing her eyes. “It’s the best day I’ve ever had. I don’t want it to end.”

“Just because today’s over doesn’t mean we won’t have another really good day.” Dom kisses the top of her head.

Darlene’s voice is quieter than usual. “We’re gonna have bad ones too - really bad ones.”

“We will, but it’s nothing we can’t handle.” Dom brushes the hair away from Darlene’s face. “We can get through anything together.”

There’s a small stretch of silence before Darlene pulls away so she can look up at her, and Dom’s chest aches when she eyes her crestfallen expression. “You really believe that?”

“Of course I do.” Dom smiles. “What would these past few years have been for if I didn’t believe it?” She leans in to kiss her. “I love you, Darlene. It doesn’t matter how good or bad the next day’s gonna be, ‘cause I know we’ll be okay.”

Darlene visibly relaxes, and she finally gives her a smile before they kiss again. “I love you too.” She nuzzles her head into the crook of her neck and sighs with relief. “I’m so glad you’re mine forever.”

Dom chuckles and squeezes her waist. Darlene tilts her head upwards to touch the redhead’s jaw with her nose; Dom kisses her, smiling when Darlene hums against her mouth. She can feel Darlene’s hands moving downwards, and when she untucks her shirt and reaches for her belt buckle, she laughs. “Do you really have the energy to do this right now?”

“Night’s not over yet.” Darlene murmurs, and Dom laughs again.

“I didn’t think you’d be such a stickler for tradition.” She feels around the back of Darlene’s dress, frowning when she can’t find a zipper. “How the hell do you take this thing off?”

“It’s a whole ass process and I’m getting tired just thinking about it, but tradition’s tradition and I am _not_ going to break it on our wedding night.” Darlene’s hands jump to Dom’s shirt once she’s done with her pants, smirking when she pops the top button. “This is the best part anyway - why would I want to skip it?”

The redhead swallows hard. She opens her mouth to answer her, but Darlene shakes her head and moves in to kiss her, wiping out what little bit of coherent thought Dom has left.

“Let’s work on you first. We can talk later.”


	2. Expansion

Trudie DiPierro was never known for being subtle. When she wanted something, you best believe she’ll let you know. That woman has no filter. Darlene often wonders how she and Dom can be related, because they can’t be any more different than each other.

It starts about three months after they get married on a cold Saturday in mid-January when the both of them are in Philly visiting for the weekend. It’s dinner time, and they’re huddled around the table like always, talking about whatever comes to mind - Darlene and Elliot’s newest client, whatever’s on the news, a case Dom’s currently working on. Darlene is taking a sip of wine when Trudie opens her mouth and says - swear to God, these are her exact words:

“Well, maybe things would be a little more interesting around here if you guys had kids.”

Darlene almost chokes on her mouthful of wine. The hand holding the glass to her mouth is frozen in mid-air. Next to her, Dom’s eyes are wide with incredulity and she’s laughing out of disbelief.

“Ma, c’mon.” She scoffs. “You know kids aren’t part of the plan.”

“Why not?” Trudie throws her hands up. “Kids are the next big step. You should be thinking about starting a family.”

“We _are_ a family.” Dom insists, and Darlene hides her smile behind her glass. “We have everything we need. We’re happy with the way things are; there’s no need to change anything.”

Trudie snorts. “Sure you are, but don’t you think it would be nice if you added onto your family? Y’know, make it a bit bigger.”

Dom rolls her eyes. “What year are we living in? It’s not every woman’s ultimate goal to give birth.”

“Who said anything about giving birth?” Trudie shakes her head. “There’s adoption, there’s surrogacy. There are plenty of ways to start a family without going through the pregnancy shtick yourself.” She laughs to herself. “Boy, if surrogacy was more of a thing back when your father and I had you and your brothers, I definitely would’ve handed it off to someone else. Dunno how some women can think pregnancy is a miracle - it’s a _nightmare:_ The backaches, the mood swings, the morning sickness...” Her face contorts with discomfort. “Oh, and your boobs, my God, they just start-”

“You really aren’t being very convincing right now.” Dom mutters as she stabs her pasta with her fork.

“Look, I’m just saying to think it over.” Trudie sighs. “Kids change your life forever, but in a good way. They complete you.”

“We’re complete just the way we are, thanks.” Dom shoves a forkful of food into her mouth. Trudie sighs again before changing the subject, and the rest of the evening passes quietly.

“I’m so sorry.” Dom sighs later that night when they’re in their usual room getting ready for bed. “I knew she'd press for grandkids even after telling her we weren’t planning on having any; I just didn't think she'd do it so soon.”

“It’s fine.” Darlene shrugs as she crawls into bed. “It’s pretty funny, actually.”

“It’s annoying and I hate it when she gets like this.” Dom grumbles as she clambers in next to her, throwing an arm around Darlene’s shoulders and pressing her cheek against the side of her head. “Not everyone wants to have kids. We’re not incomplete or missing out on anything because we don’t have them, and it’s not like she’s deprived; she has more than enough grandkids already.”

“Well, it’s been awhile since she’s had a _new_ grandkid.” Darlene shrugs again. “Your brothers’ kids are older now; they think they’re too cool to hang out with their grandma. She probably misses having them around.”

“Are you actually taking her side?” Dom raises an eyebrow.

“No. I can just see where she’s coming from.” Darlene nestles closer to her, sighing as she closes her eyes. “You’re right - things are good the way they are now. There’s no point in trying to fix something if it isn’t broken.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell her, but she never wants to listen.” Dom shakes her head. “Whatever. She’s just gonna have to suck it up. It’s not happening.”

“Yeah.” Darlene yawns and nuzzles her head into the curve of the redhead’s neck. “Can you actually picture us as parents anyway?” She snorts. “Sounds like a disaster in the making.“

“Tell me about it.” Dom mutters. “I can barely take care of myself.”

“I know.” Darlene smirks. “I’m constantly picking up the slack for you.”

Dom laughs before dropping a kiss to her forehead. “See, we’re already complete. There’s no need to add to it.”

Darlene smiles up at her before poking her nose into her jaw. After Dom kisses her, she yawns again and closes her eyes, sighing with relief as fatigue starts to take over.

Dom’s right - they _are_ complete. They’re perfect just the way they are. They’re totally fine with it just being the two of them. If everything’s running smoothly, why need to upgrade?

They’re fine. This is all they need.

* * *

Trudie planted the seed on that wintry Saturday evening, and it grows a lot faster than Darlene expects. It starts off as a nagging whisper at the back of her head, a small itch she can’t scratch; she’ll be wandering around one day and she’ll suddenly find herself fixated on a couple pushing a stroller, or she’ll walk past a schoolyard and pause to watch the kids play soccer and hopscotch. She’ll see an ad for baby food on the subway and she’ll be so focused on it that she nearly misses her stop.

The daydreams don’t start until a couple weeks later. She’s forced to come into the office one morning for an early finance meeting and she zones out in the middle of it, thinking about how much money she and Dom would need if they wanted to pay off college tuition or set up a savings plan. She initially chastises herself for thinking such things - has she really gotten so boring to the point where she’s fantasizing about budgeting and saving money? - but as the days go by, the seed Trudie planted branches out farther and farther, and Darlene finds herself engulfed in made up scenarios of her, Dom, and a possible third addition to their ranks. She pictures the three of them laughing over pancakes on a Saturday morning. She can see them building a pillow fort before huddling inside of it to watch a movie. She can hear the rolling waves crashing along the shore as they build sandcastles together on Coney Island. Her brain feeds her these hypothetical situations and her first instinct isn’t to cower in fear or look down with disdain. In fact, they sound kind of...nice.

Darlene never wanted kids. She made a deal with herself to never procreate because the last thing this world needs is another Alderson. Even adoption is iffy to her because even if she isn’t biologically related to the kid, she could still pass down some less favourable traits. She doesn’t want to taint some poor innocent child. Imagine waiting all your life to be taken in by a caring, loving parent...and all you get is her. That shouldn’t even count as a consolation prize; it’s a straight up insult.

The thought of her being responsible for another human life just doesn’t compute, but when she thinks about being responsible for another human life _with Dom,_ it actually doesn’t sound so bad. She thinks about everything they’ve been through over the years, and she realizes that Trudie is kind of right: Starting a family does seem to be the next step. After all the growing they’ve done, what else is there to do than to bring someone new into their dynamic and help them grow like how they helped each other grow? It just makes sense.

Is she just giving into societal expectations? Is she selling out? Maybe, but at the root of it all, it all sounds so... _normal,_ and at the end of the day, that’s all Darlene ever really wanted. She wanted a normal childhood. She wanted normal parents, a normal household to grow up in. She never got any of that herself, but now there’s a chance to give that to someone else. She can give them that normal childhood, that normal family she yearned for in her younger years. Maybe this can be an opportunity to come full circle and make peace with everything that happened to her. She could be the parent she needed her parents to be - and the idea of being that parent with Dom, the idea of the both of them being the parents she wished her parents were, is strangely exciting.

Sure, the idea of having a kid still scares the living daylights out of her, but she jumped into a lot of scary things with Dom in the past and they always turned out okay. They’ve proven they can get through anything together, so what difference would this make?

It takes Darlene almost a month to break the news to her. It happens on a quiet Friday evening when they’re tucked into bed with Dom’s laptop. They’re half-watching some terrible romcom when she suddenly blurts it out, completely unprovoked and out of the blue.

“Maybe we should rethink the whole kid thing.”

Dom instantly pulls away so she can squint at her through her glasses. “What?”

Darlene shrugs as she reaches out to pause the movie. “I’ve been thinking about what your mom said-”

“Oh, God.” Dom smacks the heel of her palm against her forehead. “You’re not letting her get to you, are you?”

“No.” Darlene pauses. “Okay, well, I dunno - what she said kinda made sense.” Just as Dom is about to open her mouth, she shakes her head. “Can you just hear me out?”

Dom sighs. “I thought we agreed that kids were out of the picture.”

“I know we did.” Darlene frowns. “Look, I didn’t want kids at first. I never wanted them. After all the shit I’ve been through as a kid, the last thing I wanted was to have one of my own. I didn’t know what a good parent looked like until I met _your_ parents. That’s how late I am to this whole family thing - but now I know what a good family looks like. I know what happens to kids when they’re raised by good people.” She gestures towards the redhead. “They grow up to become someone like you.”

Dom’s eyes soften. “Darlene...”

“Don’t get me wrong - it still fucking scares the shit out of me, but I dunno,” She shrugs. “When I think about doing it with you, it doesn’t feel as scary.” She sucks in a breath before making eye contact with her. “I know you said that we’re fine just the way we are, and we’re complete with just us two, and trust me, I totally agree with all of that - but would it really be so bad if there was just one more of us?”

Dom snorts and jerks her head towards Annabel’s tank. “We already have one more of us.”

Darlene rolls her eyes. “I’m being serious, Dom.” She reaches out for one of her hands and fiddles with the platinum band wrapped around the redhead’s finger. “I only want to give it a shot if you do too. If you don’t, that’s fine with me. I just wanted to throw it out there.”

Dom is silent for a few seconds, which makes Darlene kind of nervous. She heaves a sigh and jostles their entwined hands. “Having a kid is a big commitment.”

“I know.”

“I mean _big_ \- they’re gonna need us around not for just five or ten years; they’ll need us around all their lives, even when they’re adults. This is a lifelong thing, Darlene. You’re either in or out.”

“I know,” Darlene sighs. “And it’s part of the reason why I’m scared, but I think it’s something I want to do, and I want to do it with you.”

“You can’t just _think_ you want to do it.” Dom shakes her head. “You have to _know_ you’re in it for the long haul. This isn’t something you can just back out of midway through. They’re gonna need you when shit gets really hard. They’ll depend on you for a lot of things, even when they’re all grown up and doing stuff on their own. You’re gonna have to do shit you don’t like and have conversations that make you uncomfortable. They’ll ask you questions you won’t always have the answers to. Raising a kid isn’t easy.”

“And I get that, I really do.” Darlene insists. “If there’s anything my shitty childhood taught me, it’s that your kids aren’t always going to be someone you want to be around. They’re not always going to be easy to like, and sometimes they’ll do shit that’ll make you want to hate them forever. I was that kid, and my parents took the easy way out by treating me like shit. They showed me how easy it is to be a bad parent.” She shrugs. “Caring for your kid even when they’re giving you reasons not to is the hardest part of being a good parent. I didn’t think I was capable of that before, which is why I said kids were out of the picture, but after giving it some thought I realized I was wrong. I want to be what my parents couldn’t be. I want to be better than them, and I know I can be, because I have you now.” She swallows hard. “If there’s anyone I want to try to be a good parent with, it’s you.”

Dom sighs again, but her expression relaxes and she throws her a small smile. “Do you really want to do this?”

That stokes the tiny flame of hope shuddering inside of her. “I’m in if you are.”

The redhead gives her a small nod before reaching out to grasp her other hand. “Okay.”

Well, that was a lot easier than she thought it was going to be.

“Really?” Darlene blinks. “You don’t want to take some time to think it over or anything?”

“You clearly put a lot of time and thought into this.” Dom pulls her in and holds her close. “If you think this is the right thing to do, and you’re confident about it, there’s no reason for me to think it over. I trust you.”

“I didn’t say I was one hundred percent confident.” Darlene mumbles into her shoulder. “I just feel more confident when I think about doing it with you.”

Dom nuzzles her cheek into her hair. “I never really thought about kids, to be honest. It just didn’t feel like it was something that was ever going to happen to me.” She shakes her head and laughs to herself. “Hell, I didn’t even think I’d get so far as moving in with someone and getting married, but then you came along and changed all of that.”

Darlene can feel a twinge in her chest. “I didn’t think I’d get this far either.” She tightens her arms around Dom’s waist. “I’m glad I was wrong, though.”

Dom drops a kiss to the top of her head. “When we first talked about not having kids, that was the first time I seriously thought about it. I agreed with you because you seemed convinced they weren’t part of the plan.”

“And I was convinced at one point. I didn’t want kids for the longest time because I was afraid I’d turn out like my parents, and no kid deserves that,” Darlene fiddles with Dom’s collar, grasping it with her hand before smoothing it out with her fingers. “But the more I think about it, you make me feel like I can do better than what my parents did. I…” She pauses for a second, biting her bottom lip as she flattens her palm against Dom’s shoulder. “I dunno, I think about us as a family, with more than just the two of us, doing normal boring family shit, and it’s…nice.”

Dom squeezes her waist. “What kind of normal boring family shit?”

“I dunno,” Darlene shrugs. “Road trips, maybe? Or movie nights on Fridays. Peewee soccer games...or terrible clarinet recitals where we have to pretend it sounds good so we don’t hurt our kid’s feelings. Dumb, stupid shit - shit I wished my parents did with me.”

Dom chuckles. “That does sound kinda nice.”

“It’s lame, and it’s boring, and it’s like nothing we’ve ever done before, but I was never able to picture myself doing it with anyone else.” Darlene shrugs again. “I can picture it so easily with you, though, and I just know that has to mean something. I think it’s what we’re supposed to be doing next.”

“It’s not lame or boring.” Dom insists. “Starting a family can be scary, but it can be exciting too. Not gonna lie, the more I think about it, the more exciting it sounds.”

She pulls away just enough so she can glance up at her. “Yeah?”

“Look - I honestly don’t know if I’m fit to be a good parent. Maybe my childhood wasn’t terrible but that doesn’t guarantee anything. Plenty of shitty parents come from good homes.” Dom runs a hand through her hair. “But I think about trying to be a good parent with you, and I feel the same way - it makes me feel like I _can_ be good at it. I can picture us doing all of that normal family stuff together, and I want it to be real. I want it to happen.”

“Are you sure this isn’t just a heat of the moment thing?” Darlene quirks an eyebrow. “You don’t have to give me an answer right away.”

“Like I said before - I trust you.” Dom leans in to press their foreheads together. “You said that this feels like our next step. I can feel it too.” She throws her a small smile. “I want what you want, Darlene. If you’re in, I’m in too.”

Excitement explodes in the pit of Darlene’s stomach. She grabs Dom by the face and pulls her in for a kiss. “I know this isn’t gonna be easy, but we’ve been through a ton of crazy shit together and we managed to get through all of it. I know we can do this.”

Dom chuckles. “I know. I just didn’t think parenthood would be our next big thing.”

“Me neither, but like I said - if there’s anyone I was gonna do it with, it’s you.” Darlene kisses her again, and when they break apart a few seconds later she quietly laughs out of disbelief. “We’re doing this. We’re really doing this.”

“Well, if we’re really gonna do this,” Dom glances around their apartment. “We’ll have to get a bigger place first.”

* * *

So that’s exactly what they do. They spend an obscene amount of time researching neighbourhoods in and around the city, factoring important things like education, affordability, and proximity to their workplaces. It takes a few months, but by the time summer rolls around they find a place that fits most of their criteria and sits right below their budget: A cozy but spacious three bedroom bungalow with a front porch and an open concept. It’s a bit of a fixer upper - the kitchen is a little outdated so they plan on redoing the entire thing, the walls need some new paint, and they want to replace the floors with the same cherry wood paneling their apartment had, but they have all the time in the world to make it theirs, so there isn’t a rush to get everything done right away. Darlene’s only lament is that she has to move away from New York and back to Jersey, but it’s a really nice neighbourhood, and it isn’t terribly far from the city - just a single train ride away, actually - so she sucks it up.

It isn’t until they finally move in that Darlene realizes this is the right choice after all. It’s the perfect environment to raise a kid; it’s not like it’s impossible to raise one in a bustling concrete jungle like New York, but it’s just so much quieter out here, and they have an entire space to themselves. Their house is walking distance to a great elementary school, and while their backyard is on the small side, it sports two trees with thick trunks and broad branches standing just a few feet apart from each other - perfect for climbing, or a hammock, or maybe even a treehouse. There’s potential to make a lot of great memories here.

“This is really happening.” Darlene gapes as Dom unloads the last box into their empty living room. There really wasn’t a lot to bring in the first place since their apartment was so small. The sun is just starting to set; it casts a warm orange glow on the maple hardwood floors.

“We can look at some furniture over the weekend once we finish unpacking.” Dom brushes a hand through her hair as she glances around the room. “Maybe we can get some paint too...and we can probably check out samples for the kitchen counter while we’re at it.”

Darlene groans. “We got married, we bought a house in the suburbs, we’re having a kid, and now we’re making weekend plans to look at fucking kitchen counters. Can we be any more boring?”

The redhead laughs as she places her hands on Darlene’s hips and pulls her closer, angling her head downwards so their foreheads are touching. “I guess we’re finally growing up.”

“Growing up sucks ass.” Darlene mutters as Dom leans in to kiss her. “I have a mortgage now, Dom. A _mortgage._ This is fucking ridiculous.”

Dom laughs again. “Maybe you wouldn’t be so surprised if you didn’t take so long to get your own place.”

“I had my own apartment before we moved in together.” Darlene mutters.

“You only got it because your brother was tired of you crashing on his couch.”

“Whatever.” She groans as Dom kisses her a second time. “I better not regret this.”

“You brought up having a kid in the first place.” Dom scoffs. _“You_ were the one who convinced me this was a good idea.”

“It is a good idea,” Darlene sighs. “But it’s...just really different, that’s all. It’s gonna take awhile for me to get used to it.”

“You’re going to be fine.” Dom assures her with a kiss to her forehead. “We’re in this together, remember? This is new for me too. We’ll figure it out. We always do.”

Darlene can’t help but smile at that. “I know I’ve been complaining a lot, but I’m glad I’m doing this with you.” She breaks eye contact for a second, swallowing hard. “I don’t think I’d be able to do this with anyone else.”

Dom leans in to kiss her again. “The feeling’s mutual.”

Now that they’ve secured a place, the next step is to start weighing out their options. Adoption seems like the most obvious answer; there are tons of kids out there who are in need of good families, but when Darlene thinks about kids coming from broken homes, homes that are eerily close to hers with parents who treated their kids the exact same way hers treated her and her brother, her anxiety spikes and it nearly triggers a panic attack. She’s not sure if she’s ready to help someone who went through what she went through just yet, even if the kid is really young. She knows all about the lasting effects abuse and neglect have on a child no matter how old they are; she's still working through some of them herself. She also fears she’ll see too much of herself in them and it’ll screw up her chances at giving them a better life.

She tries to explain this to Dom, but it comes out in nonsensical, anxiety-laced blathering. The redhead has to get her to stop a few times, reminding her to slow down. When she finally says what she wants to say, Dom - being the perfect, patient, understanding person that she is - gets it right away and assures her that adoption doesn’t have to be an option if she isn’t ready for it yet. When Darlene prattles on about how she feels like a terrible person for not feeling comfortable about adoption, Dom reassures her again, insisting that not choosing to adopt doesn’t make her a bad person, and that it isn’t for everyone.

So that’s when they start doing research on IVF. Success rates have soared through the years due to advancements in technology, which led to IVF becoming more common with couples who look for alternate routes to conceive. Neither of them are inclined to carry, and hearing Trudie complain about pregnancy really didn’t help, so they decide on utilizing a surrogate. Darlene immediately suggests using Dom’s eggs because the thought of passing her shitty Alderson DNA onto someone else makes her anxious, and while Dom is totally fine with it, she assures her that she’ll love their kid all the same no matter where their genes come from, and it makes Darlene feel a bit better.

As expected, the whole process is expensive as hell - agency fees, medical fees, legal fees, fees everywhere - but after looking at their expenses and moving a few things around, they heave a collective sigh of relief when they realize they can make it work after all so long as they’re smart with their spending.

Their first meeting with the surrogacy agency is nerve wracking, to say the least. They’re walked through a myriad of long, complicated processes - searching for a surrogate, searching for a sperm donor, getting all the legal things sorted out, doctors’ appointments, what to expect in the coming months, what to expect when the baby finally arrives - and it’s overwhelming for the both of them. Darlene knew this was going to be a lot, but she didn’t think it was going to be _this_ much work. Their surrogacy agent (Yes, that is totally a thing, Darlene can’t believe it either) advises them to draw up a surrogacy plan, which is basically a profile on themselves and a list of things they want to accomplish. Once this plan is done, the agent will use it to help find them potential surrogates.

“It’s sorta like a resume, but for a baby mama.” Darlene snorts. She and Dom are hunched over the kitchen table one rainy Wednesday evening; Dom’s laptop is sitting in front of them, surrounded by loose leaves of paper and pamphlets filled with information about the surrogacy process.

“Pretty much.” Dom adjusts her glasses before reaching for one of the pieces of paper. “This is so weird. We have to give descriptions of ourselves and everything. What am I supposed to say?”

“You have plenty of good things to say about yourself.” Darlene scoffs as she pulls the laptop towards her. “What about me? My history leaves a lot to be desired: Shitty upbringing, history of mental illness in the family, years’ worth of criminal activity-”

“You’re only focusing on the bad stuff.” Dom rolls her eyes. “You have a lot of good things to say too, like all of the shit you accomplished with fsociety and the work you did with Leon.”

“Most of that was done illegally.”

“But they changed the world for the better.” Dom points out. “If I were a potential surrogate and I looked at your profile, I’d be impressed. Why wouldn’t I want to carry for a person who saved the world twice?” She reaches for a pamphlet with a picture of two dads playing with their baby printed on the front. “You and Elliot also started a company that’s doing really well despite the stuff you did before - in fact, I think it’s all that stuff you guys did that helped it become so successful in such a short amount of time. That’s another thing you can talk about.”

“How are we gonna explain why we’re looking for a surrogate?” Darlene frowns. “I don’t think we can give _pregnancy sounds gross to the both of us_ as an answer.”

“I’m sure we aren’t the first to give a surrogate that kind of answer.” Dom shrugs. “We’ll just have to figure out how to word it properly, that’s all.”

It takes Dom and Darlene a week to write up a plan, and it takes their agent about a month to come back to them with a list of candidates. They’re both taken by surprise when they discover entire networks and communities of women who are willing to be surrogates just for same-sex couples. There are tons on the list that make a great match, and they spend another couple months meeting with several of them, but by the time the year comes to an end they ultimately decide on a woman in her mid-twenties named Sophie. When they first meet with her, they’re surprised to learn that she knew who they were even before she saw their profile. She knows everything: fsociety and Five/Nine, Darlene’s child trafficking dox, Dom becoming one of the bureau’s youngest ASACs, all the way up to Elliot and Darlene launching Moss. Just like Dom predicted, she’s fascinated with their story and she’s more than willing to carry for them; she even mentioned she’s willing to carry more than once, to which Dom and Darlene nervously laugh off and jokingly tell her that they’ll have to see how the first one goes.

They spend the first month of the new year getting to know each other better. Once February hits, the three of them take the next few weeks to look at potential sperm donors (“Once you’ve made a decision, be sure to save their profile for later in case you decide to use the same donor for your second!”; “Oh, we’re not planning on having-”; “Save it anyway. Just in case!”). They finally agree upon a donor in March, and then most of the spring is dedicated to getting all of the legal stuff out of the way. There are waivers to sign, documents to read, and meetings to be had, but the real reason why it takes so long is because the actual finalizing of the contracts and documents takes weeks to process. It’s the worst part so far, but arguably one of the most important, so Darlene bites her tongue and rolls with the punches.

Summertime is when things are kicked into high gear. Sophie goes through all sorts of screening processes, takes the first few rounds of medication, and starts hormone therapy to prepare her body for the pregnancy. Dom and Darlene are there for every appointment and every follow up; the first embryo transfer attempt happens as early as June, but they don’t get a confirmed pregnancy until the third attempt in August.

When they finally break the news to Dom’s family a month later, Trudie’s screams are so high pitched that Darlene is pretty sure it’s at a frequency only her dog can hear. Trudie immediately changes their family holiday plans, shifting things around so they can celebrate Christmas _and_ a baby shower at the same time. She invites Elliot and all of Dom’s extended family to her house that week - including her weird uncle from Texas - and the couple is spoiled with so many gifts that they have to rent a small moving truck just so they can haul everything back to Jersey in one trip.

They hang out with their friends before New Years; Bill gives them a beautiful handcrafted mahogany crib, and Leon supplies them with enough diapers to last them a year and a list of essential movies and TV shows to watch once the baby is born (“None of these are family friendly. Why does a baby need to watch Touch of Evil?”; “You gotta refine their tastes early, cuz.”). Carla, a friend of Elliot and Leon’s who recently got back in touch with them, gifts Dom and Darlene with a bunch of books: Parenting guides, a scrapbook to document all of their baby’s firsts, and storybooks to read at bedtime.

Elliot goes all out and furnishes the baby’s room: Changing table, dresser, rocking chair, baby monitor (The old school audio-only kind, because the ones with wifi and video can be easily hacked into), cubby holes and baskets for storage, the works. He also gets them a stupidly expensive stroller and car seat; Darlene dedicates an entire evening to yelling at him for spending so much money, to which he replies with a soft chuckle and a simple, “Don’t worry about it. Just promise you’ll let me introduce them to Back to the Future when they’re older.”

Their days are jam packed with so many things happening right after the other, and it keeps Darlene so busy that the reality of the situation doesn’t fully sink in until the seventh month of their pregnancy. They’ve been checking up on Sophie every week and they‘ve been to every checkup, every ultrasound, but it’s not until they start discussing the delivery process and maternity leave when it finally hits her:

She’s going to be a parent.

“You’re only realizing this _now?”_ Dom places the parenting book she was reading onto the coffee table in front of them before scooting towards Darlene’s end of the couch and throwing an arm around her shoulders. “You’re a little late.”

“Shut up, you know what I mean.” Darlene mutters as she shuts off the TV. She sighs before leaning in to rest her head on Dom's lap. “It’s just...it’s happening so soon. It’s not gonna be just the two of us anymore.”

“I know.” Dom bends over to kiss her cheek. “Things are gonna be really different. It’ll be weird at first, but it’s nothing we can’t handle.”

Darlene snorts. “If you can handle a knife to your chest, you can definitely handle a baby.”

“I just hope it won’t be as painful.” Dom laughs before moving in to kiss her mouth. “You’re gonna be a great mom.”

Darlene rolls her eyes. “You’re just saying that ‘cause you’re my stupid wife.”

“I’m saying it as your stupid wife _and_ as a person who believes in you.” Dom kisses her again. “When you love something, you love it relentlessly. That’s the exact kind of mindset you need when you become a parent, and that’s why I know you’re gonna be great at it.”

Darlene swallows hard and breaks eye contact, choosing to stare at the coffee table instead. “I want to believe you, but...” She sighs and shakes her head. “I don’t know. I just can’t.”

“Hey.” She can feel Dom’s warm hand on her cheek, and she reluctantly glances up at her. “I know it’s scary, and I know it’s easy to believe you won’t be good at it and you’ll fail, but I know you can do it. Look at all the crazy shit you pulled in the past - what you did with the Deus Group felt impossible too, but you did it, didn’t you? And then you did the impossible _again_ when you exposed them and a few others a second time.” Dom kisses her on the forehead. “If I can take a knife to my chest and you can take down the world’s most corrupt people twice _,_ then we can ace this parent thing.”

Darlene heaves another sigh, but her expression eventually relaxes and she smiles at her. “Curse you and your way with words.”

The redhead flashes her a grin before she moves in to kiss her. “It’s gonna be okay.” Her eyes are bright, and the smile on her face is so warm with love that Darlene caves easily and she laughs before throwing her arms around her neck and pulling her down for another kiss.

How can she not believe her when she looks the way she does?

* * *

Darlene gets the call in the middle of a meeting with one of Moss’ biggest clients. The second she explains why she has to cut this short, the CEO gives her a big smile and insists that this is way more important than a quarterly status update.

“Call me when you get there.” Elliot reminds her, and she gives her brother a curt nod before dashing out of the office.

She is so caught up in the excitement of the moment that she doesn’t even think to call a cab. She flings herself into the closest subway station and sits in a crowded train for twenty minutes, vibrating with glee and fear. This is huge, this is unlike anything she’s ever been through before. She has no idea what to expect, and it’s exciting. It’s terrifying.

Dom gets there first because FBI headquarters is closer; she was actually there for the whole thing, delivery and all. To be honest, Darlene is glad she missed that part. She doesn’t think she’d be able to handle watching any of that. Dom joked once that she’s probably the type to faint in the delivery room, and even though Darlene laughed it off and called her an asshole, she knows she’s telling the truth.

When she finally arrives at the hospital, she’s so scatterbrained that she suddenly forgets where she’s supposed to go, and she spends a couple minutes stuttering like an idiot to the poor nurse who has no idea how to help her.When she finally remembers she has to be at the maternity ward and the nurse points her in the right direction, she rushes to the elevator and repeatedly slams the button as if pressing it a million times will get her there faster.

The doors finally slide open and she bursts out, looking left and right before rushing to the front desk. Her brain implodes again and she somehow forgets their surrogate’s name, so she spends another several minutes stammering incoherently as she tries to jog her memory. It finally comes to her, and when the nurse gives her the room number she hastily thanks him before zipping down the hallway, boots clopping and brown hair flying everywhere.

But when Darlene finally finds the room, she skids to a full stop. She eyes the door and a lump forms in her throat. Her hands start to shake, and her knees feel like they’re going to give in.

This is it. This is happening.

She closes her eyes for a second, and all she can hear is her pulse hammering in her ears. Her heartbeat is fluttering like a pair of hummingbird wings; if she waits any longer, she’s going to end up in the cardio ward. She needs to stop being stupid and just step in already, but she can’t move. She’s frozen, her feet rooted to the plain white linoleum floors.

This is uncharted territory. The second she steps into this room, she’s officially going past the point of no return. Once that door opens, things are going to change. It’s not just going to be her and Dom anymore; it’s going to be the three of them from this moment on.

Three. There’s _three_ of them now. Jesus.

Well, it’s now or never.

Darlene takes another deep breath before finally reaching for the door handle, pushing down and slowly walking forward. The first thing she sees is a hospital bed, but it’s unoccupied. Dom is sitting on a chair by the window, angled away so that her back is turned to her, but the second she hears Darlene she glances over her shoulder, and the smile stretched across her lips is so radiant, so bright, so warm and so loving, that Darlene feels like bursting into tears.

“Look,” Dom gingerly bounces the bundle of blankets in her arms. “Someone’s here to say hello.”

Her words, soft and dripping with affection, bring an ache to Darlene’s chest. She shuffles closer, the lump in her throat gradually getting bigger, and when she’s close enough to stand behind Dom and she can finally see what’s inside the bundle of blankets, the tears finally fall.

She’s never seen anything so delicate before. Dom has her shirt unbuttoned so he can lie directly on her chest - something about skin-to-skin contact and how it’s imperative right after birth, she remembers reading about it somewhere but she’s too awestruck to recall the details - and he has one tiny fist resting just below her collarbone. He gurgles a bit before opening his mouth to yawn, and then he lets out a soft sigh before nuzzling his head against Dom’s shoulder.

“He’s so small.” Darlene whispers. Her fingers tingle with the temptation to reach out to him, but she’s afraid he’ll crumble if she touches him the wrong way.

“He’s actually pretty big.” The redhead chuckles. “He almost clocked in at eight pounds, and he’s long too - about twenty three inches.”

Darlene swallows as she reaches up to wipe her tears away. “That’s...good, right?”

“Yeah.” Dom adjusts the blanket shielding his back from the cold. “It just means he’s gonna be a big boy when he’s older.” She smiles and drops a kiss to his round pink head.

Darlene doesn’t even want to think about the future right now. She forces herself to move towards the window and sits on the ledge so she can face the both of them. The bright sunlight streaking in highlights his thin crown of strawberry blonde hair, and she can’t help but laugh.

“Holy shit,” Darlene whispers in disbelief. “He’s a ginger.” She finally musters the courage to reach out and touch the soft strands _._ “Guess we don’t have to get red hair dye after all.”

Dom rolls her eyes as she adjusts her arms so that she and the baby are more comfortable. “Take your shirt off.”

Darlene blinks at her. “What? Why?”

Dom throws her a smile. “Because it’s your turn.”

Darlene is suddenly reminded of the anxiety that plagued her on her way here; it comes back with a vengeance as her heart begins to pound and her palms grow clammy. “I-”

“You’ll be fine.” The redhead reassures her. She slowly rises to her feet as Darlene rushes to the small bathroom to quickly wash her hands. When she’s done, Dom jerks her head towards the bed, and Darlene gulps before shuffling over and scrambling onto the mattress, adjusting the pillows so that she can sit up comfortably. She quickly sheds her jacket and pulls her shirt over her head, tossing both to the side, and she gulps again when Dom leans in her direction, holding out her arms.

“Remember to hold his head first.” Dom gently instructs just as Darlene nervously adjusts her hands, trying to remember what all those books and YouTube videos taught her. “Move your hand up a bit - yup, just like that. Okay, great-”

Darlene’s breath hitches in her throat when she feels the weight of her newborn child pressing down on her arms. He’s a lot heavier than he looks, and he’s incredibly warm. He squirms a little as she hoists him up, carefully placing her hand on the back of his head, before slowly bringing her arms in so that she’s cradling him against her bare chest. He settles in quickly, yawning again as he nestles closer to her, and she laughs quietly.

“This is crazy.” She whispers, gazing down at him with childlike wonder. “He’s real. He’s actually real.”

Dom chuckles before leaning in to kiss her on the forehead. “I know.” She buttons up her shirt before reaching out to caress his cheek. “Everything went perfectly. The delivery had no complications, and Sophie’s fine. She took it like a champ.”

“That’s good.” Darlene murmurs. Her eyes are still trained on him. She feels like she can look at him forever and she’ll never get tired or bored. “We’re gonna have to do something for her later.”

“I told her the same thing, but she kept turning me down.”

“Well, too bad. We’re doing something for her anyway.” Darlene insists, and when Dom laughs she finally tears her eyes away from him so she can smile at her. “Jesus fucking Christ, Dom - we’re _parents._ Can you believe that?”

Dom laughs again. “I can now.” She tosses Darlene’s clothes on the chair and crawls into bed next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders before pressing a kiss to the side of her head.

He stirs a little, cooing and licking his lips before turning his head so that his other cheek is pressed against her skin. Dom smiles as she reaches out to pull the blanket a little higher on his back. “He’s taken to you pretty quickly. It took me a minute to get him to stop crying before I was able to hold him.” She chuckles and reaches out towards him, grinning when he curls his impossibly small hand around her index finger. “Hi.” She smiles at him and gently jostles her hand. “You like cuddling with Mommy, don’t you?” He yawns in response, and she laughs again. “Yeah, you had a big day. I bet you’re tired.”

Being referred to as _Mommy_ for the first time hits Darlene like a wall of bricks, and it forces another fresh round of tears to spring to her eyes. It solidifies the moment and reinforces the fact that this is very much real, that this is her new reality. This isn’t some kind of fever dream or hallucination. It isn’t a fantasy.

“Look at him, Dom.” Darlene nods towards the sleeping bundle in her arms as the redhead - the _other_ redhead - wipes her tears away. “I know perfection is bullshit, but...swear to God, he’s the most perfect thing I’ve ever fucking seen.”

Dom, clearly amused by Darlene’s astonishment, chuckles softly before nuzzling her nose against the side of her wife’s head. “He _is_ perfect,” She agrees in a hushed tone. “And he’s ours.”

 _Ours._ There hasn’t been a single word in the entire English language that held so much weight as this one does to her now. Darlene swallows, smiling down at their baby once more before glancing up to kiss Dom on the mouth. “I love you. I love that I’m doing this with you.”

Dom smiles at her before leaning in for another kiss. “I love you too.” She glances down at their newborn, chuckling when she realizes he hasn’t let go of her finger yet. “It’s just the three of us now.”

The next hour passes quietly; Darlene holds him against her and Dom watches on. They occasionally pick random things to talk about every now and then, but for the most part both of them are perfectly content sitting in silence. They watch him sleep, and they watch him when he moves his head or unfurls his fists; he even opens his eyes for a few seconds - a pair of groggy grey-blue irises slowly blink back before they hide behind soft pink eyelids - and the new parents feel like they’re witnessing history unfold. Every single movement he makes is stellar, extraordinary, unlike anything they’ve ever seen before.

They eventually switch places again so Darlene can call Elliot. He picks up just as she rises to her feet and makes her way to the plastic hospital bassinet standing a few feet away from the bed.

“Everything good?” Elliot asks as she inspects the card tacked onto the foot of the bassinet. There’s a cartoon bear on the corner holding up a blue balloon with the words _It’s a boy!_ printed on the front. A nurse scribbled down some basic information next to it:

_John Trenton DiPierro_

_May 9, 11:16 AM_

Darlene half-turns to glance back at the bed; Dom is sitting up, ankles crossed, arms folded around the fleshy pink bundle dozing on her chest. She briefly raises her head to smile at her, and Darlene smiles back before finally responding to her brother.

“Yeah, we’re good.”

* * *

Both Dom and Elliot insist that Darlene take the entire year off, but she can’t do that. In the rare moments where the baby is able to sleep for longer than a few hours, she needs something to keep her busy. The greatest part about working in cybersecurity is that she doesn’t always have to physically be at work in order to get shit done, so she’s free to hop on her laptop in the comfort of her own home.

Dom, however, doesn’t have that luxury. The FBI sucks and doesn’t have an official policy for maternity leave; she has the option to use her vacation hours and sick days, or she can take an unpaid leave for up to six months. Seeing as they’re stuck living in a capitalistic society where they have a mortgage and bills to pay, the latter isn’t an option. The only benefit to all of this is that sick hours and vacation days can be rolled over, and since Dom is an ex-workaholic, she has a shit load of them piled up. After doing the math, both of them come to the conclusion that she has enough to take nine months off with pay. She spaces it out by taking the first three months off, then going back to work for the next three, off for one month, on for two more months, and then ending the year with the final three months off.

It’s a good thing Dom heavied up in the beginning, because Darlene honestly doesn’t know if she would’ve been able to get through the first few months by herself. Within the first week of taking John home, the newly minted parents learn with dismay that he takes after Dom’s terrible sleeping habits. He wakes them up at least five or six times during the night, almost double what the parenting books and video tutorials taught them. Sleep becomes a precious commodity, and they find themselves succumbing to their exhaustion in the strangest of places: The front porch while taking out the trash, halfway out of the car coming back from the grocery store to pick up more formula, slumped over the laundry with piles of yet-to-be-folded onesies. Dom even found Darlene passed out in the backyard once, right in the middle of the lawn. She doesn’t even remember why she was there.

John also eats a lot, and with a lot of eating comes a lot of spitting up and soiled diapers. Darlene lost track of all the times she was vomited, drooled, and pissed on. She even had to throw out one of her sweaters after a particularly bad episode of diarrhea. It’s unbelievable how so many fluids can come out from such a small body.

But it’s not always stressful. Crammed between the uncontrollable bodily fluids and sleepless nights are countless moments filled with laughter and love; John is an insatiably happy baby, constantly smiling and giggling, and it’s hard not to smile and laugh alongside him. He picks up the habit of clapping his hands when he sees something that delights him, like when Dom approaches him with a warm bottle, or when Darlene opens the overhead cabinet in the kitchen too quickly and hits herself on the head. His favourite toy is a gift from Uncle Elliot: A black terrier plush that’s nearly as big as he is (Darlene only assumes it’s his favourite because he seems to have a penchant for shoving its nose in his mouth).

Darlene also learns a lot about herself in these first few months. For starters, she’s a lot more patient than she thought she was; at first she was afraid the nonstop crying and constant waking up in the middle of the night would do her in, but she’s able to easily settle into a routine after the first few nights. She also learns that she is a multitasking master; she once soothed a crying John while on a work conference call _and_ helping Dom with dinner at the same time, and she ended up successfully doing all three (She was exhausted by the end of it and almost passed out sitting up at the kitchen table, but that’s not important).

She didn’t think she was capable of loving someone so intensely. It’s different than what she feels for Dom, or even Elliot, but if you ask her why it’s different, she won’t be able to explain why. It’s just something she feels, something she can’t exactly put into words. Being around John brings her a kind of joy she’s never experienced before; she can goof off with him for hours - dancing in the kitchen with him in her arms and laughing together as Alexa blares music in the background, playing peekaboo and cracking up when he can’t figure out how she’s able to disappear and suddenly reappear seconds later - and she would never feel like she’s had enough.

She’s fascinated with the way he interacts with the world around him; everything is so new, so interesting, so groundbreaking and fresh. She wanders around the backyard with him one morning and she’s entranced by the marvelled expression on his face when he finds a squirrel scampering across the top of the fence. The intrigue in his wide grey eyes, the gasp he makes when the squirrel hops off the fence and lands on a tree branch, the way he treats everything like it’s the coolest shit he’s ever seen in his entire life, it makes her love him so much more than she already does. Seeing the world through his eyes reminds her that it isn’t always as shitty as she thinks it is, and that it’s full of wonderful things. She just needs to look for them.

As much as she loves spending one-on-one time with him, nothing compares to the moments the three of them share together. She can’t believe that she initially wanted it to be just her and Dom, because now she can’t imagine life without John in it. Afternoon naps in their bed with him nestled between them, walks around their neighbourhood and taking turns pushing his stroller, sitting on their front porch blowing bubbles and laughing at him as he tries to catch them with his hands - these are just regular, mundane, uneventful things, but it’s everything she wanted when she was growing up. It’s the family dynamic she dreamed about, the kind of wholesome and unconditional love she wished her parents had for her. As a kid she thought families like this only existed in movies and books, so it’s surreal that she’s finally experiencing it, but as the parent this time around.

She knows she’s capable of empathy - being with Dom and all of the shit that led up to their relationship led to that realization - but her ability to empathize multiplied by the tenfold once John came around. Her chest aches when he’s in distress; when she and Dom take him to the doctor for his checkup and John’s heel is pricked for a blood sample, he wails so loud Darlene can feel his cries reverberating inside of her. He catches a mild fever one week and Darlene refuses to leave his side; she grabs an armful of blankets and pillows so she and Dom can sleep on the floor by his crib every night until she’s five hundred percent sure he‘s better. When he hurts, she hurts, and she would do anything to take it away from him, even if that means she has to take it on herself. The love she has for John is so fierce, so potent; it’s also infinite, everlasting, and she’s overflowing with it, spilling out of her for all the world to see. She’s completely fine with it, though - in fact, she _wants_ the world to see how much she loves him. She wants everyone to know that he exists, he’s real, and that he’s the most perfect thing to have ever graced this stupid earth. He’s ethereal in her eyes, almost otherworldly. No one will ever be able to hold a candle to him.

Raising John together also strengthened Darlene’s relationship with her wife. She didn’t think it was possible to love Dom any more than she already does, but she’s proven wrong every time she sees her with their son. Darlene can see similarities between the way Dom loves her and the way she loves John: The patience, the understanding, the dedication, the willingness to learn and grow so that she’s better for the both of them - watching this fake redhead care for their real redheaded child fills Darlene with so much affection for Dom that she feels she may burst with it, which makes things so much harder when those first three months are up and Dom has to go back to work.

The second Dom returns to the bureau, she’s sent to Madrid for a week with a group of other agents to meet with Spain’s Minister of Defence. She has an inkling that the only reason why the higher ups are making her go is because she’s one of the few agents who can speak passable Spanish.

“It’s almost like they timed this so I’d have no other choice.” Dom mutters as she pulls her roller bag down the hallway towards the foyer.

“Well, you _are_ their Assistant Special Agent in Charge. I’d imagine they want you to be there, since you’re so important and everything.” Darlene closely follows behind; John is cradled in her arms, gurgling happily. “Eat some paella for me.”

“We’re supposed to be meeting for dinner literally right after we land.” The redhead sighs as she checks her phone. “I really don’t want to go.”

“I know, but- _ow!”_ Darlene leans away as John yanks on her hair. She reaches for his fist and tries to pry his fingers open, but his grip is surprisingly strong. “Dude, c’mon. Let go.”

Dom laughs and shakes her head. “This is the exact reason why I don’t want to leave.”

“Because you take pleasure in watching me suffer?” Darlene rolls her eyes just as John starts to suck on the ends of her hair.

“Obviously.” Dom’s phone vibrates and she checks the screen. “Cab’s here. I gotta go.” She leans in to kiss her. “I love you. I’ll call you later.”

“I love you too.” Darlene pulls her hair out of John’s mouth before lifting him off her shoulder and handing him over to Dom. “Okay, bud - time to say bye to Mama.”

Dom takes him into her arms and blows a raspberry on his stomach before kissing the top of his head, smiling when John bursts into a fit of hysterical laughter. “Bye. I’ll miss you. Be good to your mom, okay?” He lifts his tiny, pudgy hands and places them on both of Dom’s cheeks; there’s something oddly wistful about his stare, like he knows he won’t be seeing her for a little while. It’s enough to melt Darlene’s heart. “I love you.”

Dom kisses him on the cheek before handing him back to Darlene. They share another kiss before Dom finally wheels her bag out of their house; Darlene and John step out onto the porch to wave the cab goodbye as it pulls out of their driveway and disappears around the corner. When they’re finally gone, Darlene sighs before turning her head to face John, who’s sucking on her hair again.

“And then there were two.”

True to her word, Dom calls at eight o’clock sharp that evening. She rambles about the turbulence and how one of the other agents got drunk off too many glasses of wine and spent the majority of the flight throwing up in the bathroom, and Darlene patiently listens as she dutifully moves from one end of John’s room to another; she just finished changing the baby and is currently in the process of soothing him so he’s tired enough to go to bed.

“I miss you. I miss the both of you.”

“You _just_ got there.” Darlene scoffs; she takes John with one arm, turning off the speakerphone before grabbing her phone from the changing table so she can balance it on her shoulder as she eases herself into the rocking chair by the window.

“Still.” Dom sighs. “I don’t even want to be here. I should be home with you and the baby.”

Darlene feels her chest ache just a little bit. “It’s only for a few days. You’ll be back before you know it.”

“Yeah.” There’s a short pause. “I should let you go. You need to rest.”

“I should be telling you that.” Darlene laughs as John nuzzles her shoulder. “I’m not the one who was forced to go to a dinner party right after an eight hour flight. Isn’t it, like, two in the morning or something over there? Get some sleep, Dom.”

“I’ll try.” There’s a faint rustling in the background. “I love you. Give him a kiss for me.”

“I will, and I love you too.” Darlene hangs up and pockets her phone. John is making incoherent noises; he kind of sounds like he’s grumbling, and it makes her laugh. “I know, right? She’s _so_ clingy.” John makes the same grumbling noise from before, and Darlene gives him an understanding nod before shifting one of her arms so she can rub his back. “Totally agree - she’s such a weirdo.”

They lapse into a comfortable silence for a few minutes. Darlene leans back in her chair, humming in thought as her hand moves in slow circles against John’s back. He purrs as he cuddles closer to her, and she rolls her eyes. “Well, duh - of course I know she’s great. I knew that way before you did.” She smirks at him. “Just wait ‘til you’re older; I have so many cool stories I wanna tell you about your mama, and they’re gonna blow your mind.” She chuckles to herself as she shakes her head. “We’re gonna have to wait awhile, though - like... _awhile_ awhile. Most of these stories aren’t exactly PG, or even PG-13, but trust me, you’re gonna love hearing them. They’ll make you love her even more than you already do.”

John sighs into her shirt, and Darlene throws him a small smile before pressing her cheek against the side of his head. “I miss her too. It’s gonna be weird not having her around for a little while, but I think we can handle it.”

He responds with a yawn, which is Darlene’s cue to get up so she can make her way over to his crib. She slowly lowers him in, smiling when he yawns and raises a fist to stretch before turning his head to the side. He’s only three and a half months old, but there are so many parts of him that already remind her of Dom: The shape of his face, the colour of his eyes, the way he blinks at her when he’s confused. Even his hair is starting to look like Dom’s; it’s gotten redder since they brought him home. It’s like she has a little piece of her wife here with her so she doesn’t have to miss her as much.

It's kind of weird how comfortable she is with all of this. If Darlene From A Few Years Ago were here right now she'd probably laugh in her face and call her a sellout. She'd say she's ashamed of who she ends up becoming: Another complacent cog in the machine, content with just settling, satisfied with conforming to everyone else's expectations. Something stupid, predictable, and pretentious; something only an angry, wayward, overgrown teenager with deep-seated insecurities and unmet needs would say. 

Did she ever think she'd end up married with a family in the suburbs? No, definitely not. 

Did she detest the idea at first? Yes, she'll be the first to admit that - but now she knows why she hated it, and it's not because people are mindless sheep who only follow the herd. The hatred she held for so long was born out of her deprivation. She didn't have any of this growing up - doting parents, a house she actually likes living in, stability, reliability, unconditional love - so of course she'd end up hating others who had it. She'd see all of her friends at school running into the arms of their mothers and fathers after the final bell, smiling and laughing together after a whole day of being apart, and the jealousy would bubble so violently inside of her that she needed to let it out somehow - screaming, ripping out fistfuls of grass and tossing it up in the air, kicking the closest piece of trash lying on the street, refusing to walk home with her brother and disappearing for a few days. That jealousy latched onto her and mutated as she grew older, manifesting in ways that grew more toxic and destructive over time. It's not until she met Dom that she realized she was going about this the wrong way the whole time, and that her anger was just a way of avoiding the years' worth of pain and trauma festering inside of her. What she should have been doing is confronting it, acknowledging it exists, accepting where it came from, and allowing herself to heal and move on so she can become someone she doesn't detest every time she looks into the mirror. 

Darlene looks back on her life from before and she can't fathom how she was okay with living that way for so long - drifting from one friend's couch to another, barely talking to the one family member who treated her decently, one-sided relationships where she took more than she wanted to give, uncontrollable panic attacks, bottomless bouts of depression. It's such an unsustainable way to live, yet she somehow made it work all those years. She can't believe she was okay with just scraping by, and that the idea of wanting something better made her so irrationally angry. Ben suggested once that maybe a part of her felt she didn't deserve better, so hating the idea of a nice life was easier than confronting that. At first she thought that was ridiculous, but the more she thinks about it, the more it makes sense. Anger was always her knee-jerk reaction to anything that made her remotely uncomfortable or upset, and she had grown too comfortable with it. She allowed it to consume her, to make decisions for her, to control every aspect of her life. She can't be angry anymore; she can't afford to. She has too much to lose. 

There's still a ways to go, but now there's an undeniable lightness to her shoulders that she's never felt before ever since she started taking therapy seriously and doubled down on becoming a better person for Dom and Elliot - and now she has a third reason to keep going, to keep working on herself, to strive for something better. That third reason is fast asleep right in front of her, his shock of bright red hair flickering like a flame against the soft yellow glow of the nightlight perched on the nightstand next to the crib.

She's more than just complacent, and she's definitely more than just content. She's happy - in fact, she's fucking overjoyed that after all of the shit she slugged through, she's finally in a place where she doesn't wake up every morning hating herself and wishing she was someone else. She likes that she's here right now, in a nice house she and her wife bought together, with their newborn son peacefully dozing in his crib. She worked her goddamn ass off for this, she suffered and lost so much to get to where she currently is. It's not a matter of settling or giving up on trying to find something better, because she _did_ find something better, and sometimes what's best for you isn't what you initially wanted or expected. This isn't the bare minimum - it's the highest achievement she's ever gotten, and she's damn proud of it. She wouldn't trade this for anything else. 

Darlene leans in a little further to drop a kiss to John's head, and then she adjusts the baby monitor sitting on the nightstand before tiptoeing out of the room. There’s a childish grin stretched wide across her lips; this is the first time in months where she has a few hours to herself, and she’s going to make the most of it.

She throws a bag of popcorn into the microwave and reaches for the M&Ms in the cupboard. Once the popcorn is ready, she dumps the entire bag of chocolate into the popcorn and shakes it up just as she jumps onto the couch and reaches for the remote. She happily munches on her snack as she leans back to comfortably lie down, stretching her legs as the opening credits to Touch of Evil fade onto the screen. She places the bag on her chest for easy access.

She falls asleep fifteen minutes into the movie.

* * *

The next week passes quickly thanks to Trudie, who comes to visit for three out of the seven days Dom is in Spain. She helps out with the baby, which gives Darlene more time to catch up on work, errands, and most importantly - sleep.

Elliot comes over too, and he’s hilariously awkward around John, but he also proves to be surprisingly good with him; he successfully calms him after a crying fit, and he finds out he can easily make him laugh by dangling his keys in front of his face. Having both Trudie and her brother around is a nice distraction from the redhead’s absence.

Dom finally comes home when Darlene is putting John to bed; she hears the front door swing open just as she eases him into his crib.

“Hey.” Dom greets her in the hallway; she leans in to kiss her wife as she closes the door to John’s room. “Is he asleep?”

“Yeah.” Darlene sighs as she wraps her arms around Dom’s neck, pushing herself up on her tiptoes so she can give her another kiss. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“It’s good to be back.” Dom smiles against her mouth. “How was he?”

“You already know the answer.” Darlene pulls away and takes her by the hand so she can lead her down the hall towards their bedroom. “You called me every day.”

“Was he good while I was on the way home?” Dom closes the door behind her just as Darlene leans in to kiss her again. 

“He was being a bit of a jerk.” She murmurs, raising her hands to grasp the lapels of Dom’s blazer. “It took me awhile to get him to sleep. I think he wanted to wait up for you.”

“I can always see him later.” Dom responds between kisses. “I don’t want to wake him up if you just put him to bed.”

“That’s fine with me.” Darlene begins to walk backwards, pulling Dom by her blazer. When she reaches the foot of their bed, she throws her a grin before falling backwards on the mattress and pulling her down with her, humming against her wife’s mouth before kissing her again.

“I missed you.” Dom’s breathless when she pulls away for a second, her eyes half-open as Darlene raises her hands to frame the redhead’s face.

She locks eyes with her as a small, teasing smirk curls the corners of her mouth. Her voice is low, gravelly, barely above a whisper.

“Show me how much you missed me.”

John’s cries coming in through the baby monitor on Darlene’s nightstand rouse the both of them a few hours later.

“Don’t worry about it.” Dom murmurs into her ear before pulling away to get up. “I’ll do it.”

“No, c’mon,” Darlene protests as she reaches out for her. “You _just_ got back from an entirely different continent. I’ll go.”

“I’m fine.” Dom insists as she heads over to the closet to throw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. “Jet lag’s gonna keep me up for a few more hours anyway.” She quickly makes her way back to grab her glasses on the nightstand, slipping them on before leaning in to plant a swift kiss to Darlene’s forehead. “You’ve been with him all week. Go back to sleep.”

Darlene sighs as she watches Dom open the door to head out into the hallway. She hangs over the edge of the bed and reaches towards the floor to grab Dom’s discarded shirt from earlier, languidly slipping it on and buttoning it up before sinking back into the sheets and rolling on her side to face the monitor.

“Hi, baby.” She can hear Dom cooing through the small speaker, and it forces a wide grin on her face. “Look at you. I missed you so much.” The redhead grunts a little, and Darlene can picture her picking John up and cradling him close against her. “Wow, you’ve gotten a lot heavier since I last saw you.” Dom chuckles over John’s subsiding cries. “Mommy took real good care of you while I was gone, huh?” When John starts to giggle, Darlene smiles again. “Yeah, your mommy’s the best. I love her too.”

John eventually stops crying, and Darlene continues to listen to Dom soothe him through the monitor. There’s a bit of silence, the sound of a door closing, and then Dom is back in their room minutes later.

“Is he okay?” She asks as Dom slips into bed next to her and throws an arm around her middle from behind.

“Yeah,” The redhead drops a kiss to her shoulder. “Just a little fussy, that’s all.”

“He probably knew you were home and wondered why he hasn’t seen you yet.” Darlene snorts.

“Wonder where he got that from.” Dom mutters, and Darlene rolls her eyes.

“I still can’t believe we’re parents.” She mumbles. “I can’t believe _I’m_ a parent.”

“For what it’s worth,” Dom leans over to kiss her cheek. “You’re doing great so far.”

“I hope so.” Darlene sighs. “It’s just...” She swallows hard. “When I look at him, I just think about my own shitty mom. How could she look at her own kid and _do_ what she did? How did she push a lit cigarette into my arm, drag me around by my hair, and not feel bad about it?” She shakes her head. “When I look at John, those are the farthest things from my mind. They're not in my mind at all. The thought of doing to him what my mom did to me makes me sick to my fucking stomach.”

She can feel Dom tightening her arm around her waist. “Knowing that the stuff she did to you was wrong is proof that you’re going to be better than her. You’ve already done so many things to prove that - I mean, you quit smoking for him; that gives you a huge head start.”

“I quit because the thought of having anything like that around him kicks my anxiety into fucking overdrive.” She swallows again as her eyes start to sting with incoming tears. “Maybe I’m doing okay now, but there’s no telling what’ll happen in the future. What if I lose my cool one day? What if I lose my patience over something stupid, or what if I just-”

“Hey.” Dom grasps her hip with a hand and tugs until Darlene rolls around to face her. She throws her a reassuring smile as she reaches up to brush her tears away. “You’re going to be fine. You’ll be better than her. You _are_ better than her.” She kisses her on the forehead. “There’s nothing I love more than watching you love him. Just because you were raised by someone who wasn’t fit to be a mom doesn’t mean you’ll end up the same way.”

She’s right, but she can’t bring herself to wholly agree with her. “You don’t know that. I came from shit. It runs through my veins. It’s coded into my DNA.”

“You’re not like her.” Dom insists. “You’re not going to be like her.” She kisses her again. “Remember what you said to me before all of this started? You wanted to be the mom your own mom couldn’t be for you. Maybe you can’t undo all the crappy things that happened to you when you were a kid, but now you have a chance to make things better for your own kid. That’s gotta count for something, right?”

“Yeah.” Darlene sniffles, nodding slowly. “I guess so.”

“No one said this was going to be easy.” Dom gently wipes her tears away. “I think this is gonna be the hardest thing we’ve done so far. We’re gonna make mistakes. We’re gonna fuck up, and I know how scary that sounds-”

“It’s scary as hell.” Darlene interjects. “Like, what if we fuck up really bad and it fucks him up for the rest of his life? My dad fucked up big time, and look what it did to Elliot.” She shakes her head. “I know that’s a really bad example, but it’s all I can think about. Everything we do with him, everything we do _to_ him is going to partially determine what kind of person he becomes. That scares the shit out of me. It’s a lot of pressure.”

“I know.” Dom’s fingertips ghost against her forehead as she pushes a few strands of hair away from her face. “It scares me too, but if we keep thinking like that, there’s a bigger chance we actually _will_ fuck up really bad. We have to try to be more confident. He needs us to be.” She smiles at her before leaning in to kiss her on the lips. “I love you, and he loves you too. It’s gonna be okay.”

She sucks in a breath and nods. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m being stupid.”

“You’re not. What you’re feeling right now, it’s totally normal. It’s okay to be scared, Darlene - and you’re not going through this alone.” Dom pulls her in closer and nuzzles her cheek against her hair. “We’re in this together. We always have been.”

She sniffles as she buries her face into the curve of her neck. “It’s so weird how this all started with me trying to steal your stupid badge.”

Dom chuckles and squeezes her waist. “And now look where we are. Everything we’ve been through led us here. All of the shit we had to put up with gave us this - it gave us _him.”_ She gives her forehead another kiss. “To think that something so incredible came from something so terrible...it is kinda weird, but we’ve always been weird, so it works.”

Darlene laughs before tilting her head upwards so she can brush the end of her nose against Dom’s jaw, smiling when the redhead leans in for a kiss. “I like being weird with you.”

Dom smiles back. “And now we have a little weirdo to be weird with us.” She presses her lips against hers again. “I can’t predict the future, but with the way things have been going these last few years, I think it’s safe to say it’s just gonna keep getting better and better, and I can’t wait to see where we go from here. You should look forward to it.”

The redhead’s words immediately alleviate the anxiety that was pushing down on Darlene’s chest. She fits her head into the curve of Dom’s neck, sighing against her skin; it only takes a few minutes for her to fall asleep.

* * *

Darlene thought things would ease up a bit once John started sleeping through the night,but of course she’s proven wrong. She quickly learns that a bulk of parenthood is being wrong most of the time, and that kids are a lot less predictable than what she read and heard about.

When John takes his first steps at ten months, it seems like a miracle at first, but the hype dies fast once he figures out that walking also means he could start _running_ too. Before she knows it, Darlene is scampering around the house, chasing after the tiny redhead with fistfuls of toilet paper clutched in his chubby hands. She and Dom learn what it means to baby-proof the place: Silicone guards on table corners, locks on cabinets and drawers, plastic covers on electric sockets, gates in the doorways, a makeshift barrier around Annabel’s tank made out of chairs - they go all out, and yet it still isn’t enough to keep John from doing what he wants to do. If he wants to climb onto the coffee table, he’ll find a way. If he wants to sneak into the bathroom and clog the toilet with his toys, you bet he’s gonna do it. If he decides the living room wall will be the perfect canvas for his next masterpiece (With chocolate syrup and olive oil as his paints of choice), he’ll make it happen. This kid is annoyingly resilient, which will probably be a good trait for when he’s older, but right now it’s more of a nuisance.

After an eventful Saturday afternoon at the park in which Dom fell into a pond trying to stop John from feeding his cereal puffs to a gaggle of geese, Darlene collapses face first onto their bed and sighs into the sheets. She’s somehow even more tired than she was when they brought John home all those months ago.

“It’s not even seven yet and I’m fucking exhausted.” Darlene mumbles into the mattress. “Why did we decide to have a kid?”

Dom comes out of the bathroom, fresh out of the shower with a new set of clothes. The mattress dips as she crawls in next to her and throws an arm around her waist. “Because we said we wanted to grow up together. Getting married, moving to the suburbs, and having a kid is _peak_ grownup.”

Darlene groans before burying her face into Dom’s neck. “Can we stop growing now? This shit is tiring as hell.”

Dom laughs. “Do you really think we’re done growing?”

“I hope so.” Darlene grumbles. “Look, I love our kid and everything, but he’s siphoning the life out of me.”

“Is he asleep now?” Dom starts to rub slow circles on her back.

“Yeah, thank God.” Darlene sighs. “I dread the day when he starts talking.”

“You say you hate it now, but before you know it he’ll be sixteen and you’ll be _begging_ for these days to come back.” The redhead chuckles.

Darlene snorts. “You’re starting to sound a lot like your mom.”

Dom groans. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s not a bad thing. Your mom’s great.” She pulls away just enough so she can glance up at her. “And you’re great.”

“So are you.” Dom dips her head to bump the end of her nose against hers. “I don’t know if you noticed this, but you’ve been a lot nicer to me since John was born.”

Darlene furrows her brow. “What?”

“I actually don’t remember the last time you said you hated me or told me to fuck off.” Dom laughs. “Is it weird that I kind of miss it?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, raising a kid is exhausting.” Darlene rolls her eyes. “I don’t have the energy to tell you to fuck off, even though I’d like to.”

“Well, the obvious solution here is to have another kid.” Dom chuckles again. “That way, you’ll never have the energy to tell me you hate me ever again.”

Darlene quirks an eyebrow at her. “You can’t be serious.”

“Oh, I totally am. I’m enjoying this hate-free environment. It’s healthy for me _and_ the baby.” Dom grins as Darlene rolls her eyes again. “God, can you imagine us with a second kid?”

“No.” Darlene mutters as she cuddles closer. “One is more than enough. Two would be the death of me.”

“Yeah,” Dom agrees as she sighs into her hair. “We’re definitely a single child kind of family.”

* * *

Three years later, on December 26th at 6:15 PM, a baby girl with large blue eyes and a swirl of brown hair is welcomed into the world. The card tacked onto her NICU reads her full name:

_Robin Angela DiPierro._


	3. Completion

_Hello, friend._

_That’s always going to sound lame. I guess it’s good this’ll be the last time we’ll be talking._

The early afternoon sun is beating on the back of Elliot’s neck as he trudges through the sand. Coney Island Beach is exceptionally busy today; September is just around the corner, which means school is starting back up again, so a lot of the other visitors are either young families with their kids or high school students enjoying their final moments of freedom.

_Krista said that I should have one last conversation with you. She thinks it’s best to tie things up before we part ways. I figured it would make sense to catch you up on everything that’s happened lately, since we haven’t talked in awhile._

He squints through the crowd, his eyes shifting through the numerous beach umbrellas and towels scattered around in the sand. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and quickly dials his sister’s number; she picks up after two rings.

“I can see your dumb ass from here. Just keep walking straight.”

He opens his mouth to ask exactly where she is, but she already hung up. He sighs in defeat before pocketing his phone and running the back of his hand across his forehead, and then he squares his shoulders and follows his sister’s instructions.

After a few more minutes of navigating through the maze of sunbathers and volleyball players, a familiar voice cuts through the crashing waves and screeching seagulls.

“Uncle Elliot!”

A boy is dashing in his direction; he’s tall for his age, which makes him look older than he actually is. His hair is a ferocious shade of red beneath the intense sunlight, and his grey-blue eyes are wide with excitement.

_Yeah, I’m an uncle now. Weird, huh?_

“Hey, John.” Elliot smiles as his nephew crashes into him with a bear hug. He smells like sunblock and seawater. “Having fun?”

“Yeah.” John grins up at him; his smile is wide and toothy. “I’m making a sandcastle.”

_John’s cool, though. He reminds me of myself when I was his age: Shy around strangers, impatient, but curious and eager to learn. Really great kid - very bright, too. He’s at the top of his class or something like that._

_I’m planning on showing him the first Back to the Future movie soon. I think he’s old enough to appreciate it now. He already loves popcorn and M &Ms, so we’re halfway there._

“Cool.” Elliot follows him through the crowd. “Where’s your mom?”

“Which one?”

“Mommy.”

“Oh.” He raises one arm to point at one of the beach umbrellas sticking out of the sand. Elliot can see his sister tucked underneath it, her face partially hidden by heart-shaped sunglasses and a floppy sun hat. “Over there.”

“Dude,” Darlene groans as the both of them approach her. “What did I say about running off like that?”

“Sorry.” John throws her a sheepish smile, and for a second he looks so much like his mama that it almost gives Elliot déjà vu. “I saw Uncle Elliot and I forgot.”

Darlene rolls her eyes before reaching out to playfully rumple her son’s hair. “Stay close, okay?”

“Got it.” He leans in to give her a swift kiss on the cheek, and then he scampers off to return to his sandcastle.

Darlene shakes her head and sighs. “It’s hot as hell, and there are _so_ many people here. We picked the worst day to go.”

“It’s not so bad.” Elliot shrugs before ducking beneath the umbrella and sitting on the towel next to her. “We could’ve gone earlier. You just kept putting it off until now.”

“Oh, so it’s my fault?” Darlene quirks an eyebrow.

“We said we were gonna go to the beach at least once this summer.” He shrugs again. “There were plenty of chances to go, but you kept making excuses.”

“C’mon, you know why I haven’t been able to go until now.” She mutters. “Work’s been exceptionally shitty lately.”

_Oh yeah, another thing - Darlene and I started a company after I left the FBI. We’re going straight now, I guess - no more hacks...at least not the illegal kind. Think AllSafe, but replace Gideon with me. We even bought AllSafe’s old office space; there’s something poetic about that, I think. We try to keep things small with a limited number of accounts so it’s easier to keep our promises like undivided attention and care for detail. I know it sounds like I’m pitching to you, but I’m just trying to paint a picture here._

_Anyways, we started it a few years ago and it’s doing really well. Not to brag or anything, but we’ve been a constant feature on all of the_ Best Companies to Work For _lists since we launched it, and that’s what I’ve been most proud of. It’s not so much the business itself that I’m concerned with, even though we’re also doing really well in that regard; what’s most important to me is that the people who work for us get as much care and attention as the people we work for. Darlene and I hacked (No pun intended, you know I don’t do those) off parts of our salary so we can redistribute it to our employees. It’s not like we need all that extra money anyway, and we want to make sure everyone is making enough to support themselves and their families. If we’re all in this rat race together, we should at least look out for each other so we can make sure we’ll all be able to cross that finish line eventually._

_We named it Moss Cybersecurity. I don’t think I have to explain where the inspiration comes from._

He sighs. “You shouldn’t be working so much, Darlene. You know you can always hand stuff over to me if there’s too much on your plate.”

“I’m not gonna just let you take all the credit.” She rolls her eyes. “It’s _my_ company too, you know.”

“Hey, Elliot.” Dom is suddenly standing over them.

_I didn’t expect an FBI agent to become one of my closest friends. You know me - I have trouble talking to just about anyone, but it’s so easy to talk to Dom. We may not work together anymore but we still see each other a lot, especially now that her and Darlene are married. I’m really glad they worked things out after the Susan Jacobs thing; I was worried they wouldn’t be able to for a minute, but thankfully they proved me wrong._

_She’s still with the bureau. She definitely deserves better than what the FBI is giving her, and after everything she went through with fsociety and the Dark Army you’d think it would make her reconsider going back, but I guess there’s something about the FBI that keeps her interested enough to stay. It’s probably a good thing she stuck around, because she’s still the only competent agent I’ve ever interacted with. I think they need her more than she needs them. It’s only a matter of time before she becomes the youngest Special Agent in Charge._

The little girl sitting on Dom’s shoulders is the spitting image of Darlene; she sports the same dark eyelashes, large pale blue eyes, tousled brown hair, and full lips. The second she spots her uncle, she squirms impatiently and sticks out her arms towards him as everyone laughs.

“Okay, okay-” Dom sinks to her knees, raises her hands above her head to pluck her daughter from her shoulders, and hands her over to Elliot.

_Yep, that’s right - I have a niece too._

“Hello, Robin.” Elliot pulls her onto his lap as she throws her tiny arms around his neck.

“Hi.” Her voice is as bright as her smile. She raises a hand to pat him on the cheek. “Uncle Elli.”

 _Dom and I call Robin_ Darlene 2.0 _; she’s an exact copy of my sister, all the way down to her personality and even her mannerisms. It’s surreal being around her sometimes; it feels like I’m watching an alternate version of Darlene growing up in a different environment with different parents and a different brother._

_She’s really observant for a three year old. She notices things you and I normally wouldn’t notice. She has a good eye for spotting little details that usually fall under the radar._

He chuckles and gives her an affirming nod. “Do you like the beach?” She bobs her head. “What do you like most about it?”

Robin takes a second to look around before answering him. “Bird.”

“What?” He furrows his brow.

“Bird.” Robin repeats herself; she’s staring at something over his shoulder. Elliot glances behind him, and lo and behold, there’s a woman chasing a seagull with a sandwich in its beak.

_See what I mean?_

“Oh my God.” Dom laughs.

Darlene snorts. “That _would_ be her favourite part.”

“Robin!” John is running up to them; there’s sand sticking to his knees and forearms. “C’mon, we gotta finish building it.”

“Okay.” Robin untangles herself from her uncle and rises on wobbly legs. She can walk just fine on her own - in fact, she started a bit early, just a little after eight months - but sand is new territory for her; it’s soft and unstable. There’s a larger margin for error. 

“Hold your brother’s hand.” Darlene‘s exasperated.

Robin’s eyes narrow; Elliot didn’t think it was possible for her to look any more identical to her mom, but apparently he was wrong.

“I‘m not a baby.” Her squeaky voice and painfully adorable pout make it impossible to take her seriously.

Darlene mirrors her expression, which trips Elliot out even more. “Yes you are. You’re barely three feet tall.”

“I can walk.” Robin counters. “Babies can’t walk.”

Dom and Elliot snort with suppressed laughter, and Darlene rolls her eyes before sighing in defeat. “Can you just hold his hand, please?”

“Fine.” Robin huffs and begrudgingly links her hand with John’s before reaching out to Dom. “Mama, come.”

“I _just_ sat down.” Dom groans before reluctantly getting up and following both kids to the little mound of sand just a few feet away. The second they get there, the first thing Robin does is reach out and smash the castle with her fists. John is yelling out his sister’s name in disbelief; Dom is kneeling in between her two children, eyes wide and her expression helpless as she tries to figure out a solution.

“That’s the third one she busted since we got here.” Darlene shakes her head. “She’s so weird.”

“She came from you.” Elliot reminds her with a smile.

“And you come from the same gene pool as the both of us.” Darlene smirks at him. “Guess a destructive streak runs in the family.”

“Or a weird streak.” He chuckles. “There’s nothing wrong about it, though. I like that she’s weird. It’s like watching a miniature version of you.”

“You really have to stop saying that.” She sighs.

“But it’s true.” He laughs again. “Everyone can see it. Even Trudie sees it.”

“That’s why I worry about her.” Darlene frowns. “The only reason why I hate the Darlene 2.0 jokes is because they’re all true and I just don’t want to admit it.” She shakes her head and chuckles to herself. ”I always knew I was an asshole, but I didn’t realize how big of an asshole I actually was until she came along. Sometimes it feels like I’m talking to myself.”

“She’s pretty argumentative,” Elliot smiles as his sister rolls her eyes. “And she always raises good points. Debating comes naturally for her.”

“I know; it’s funny _and_ annoying. Now I know how you and Dom feel when you talk to me.” She sighs. “I don’t want her to be another version of me, though. I’m a fucking human disaster.”

“You’re not a disaster, at least not anymore, and it’s a good thing that she’s like you.” Elliot insists. “Remember when she first got here?”

“Don’t remind me.” Darlene’s eyes drop to the sand; her voice is uncharacteristically quiet. “She was so tiny. No one thought she was gonna make it.”

_Robin was born eight and a half weeks premature. She was stuck in that incubator thing for a really long time. We couldn’t touch her for the first couple weeks because her immunity was so low, and she had to be on a ventilator so she can breathe properly. It sucked to watch her in that little plastic box._

_It especially sucked for Darlene, though. She couldn’t even be in the same room as Robin sometimes because she couldn’t handle seeing her like that. It must be hard as a parent to watch your kid struggle the way Robin did and not be able do anything about it. It was hard for me, but it must’ve been so much worse for her._

“But she did.” Elliot points out. “She fought through it. She came into this world defying expectations and proving everyone wrong. She’s strong. She’s a fighter - just like you.” He throws her a small smile. “She’s a lot cuter, though. You were never that cute when you were a kid.”

Darlene laughs and rolls her eyes. “I can't believe I'm about to say this right now, but having kids is probably one of the best things that ever happened to me. It's a fucking trip, never a dull day - they'll do something that'll piss me off, but then they'll do something else right after to remind me how much I care about them. It's just the way those kids look at me, and the way they talk to me, it's almost like...” She shrugs and takes a second to find the right words. “Like they think I'm the greatest thing in the whole fucking world, even though I know I'm not, and it makes me feel like all of the shit I've been through before led me somewhere worthwhile, like all of the crap we've been through as kids, everything with fsociety, and all the shit that happened after wasn't for nothing.” She shrugs again. “Being with Dom changed my life for the better, but having kids enhanced it. They made something that was already good even better, and I didn't think that was possible.”

Elliot smiles at her again. “Maybe you don't think you're the greatest, but they do, and that's what matters most. It means you're doing your job right.”

“Yeah, I guess.” She shakes her head. “I just want them to have everything we didn’t have when we were growing up. I want them to be able to look back at all of this someday and remember happy things.”

“And you’re already doing things that'll help with that. You and Dom are great parents.” Elliot assures her. “John is the smartest six year old I’ve ever spoken to.”

Darlene quirks an eyebrow. “He’s the only six year old you’ve ever spoken to.”

“You know what I mean.” Elliot chuckles. “And Robin...Robin is so sweet. She adores you.”

“She adores _you.”_ Darlene begrudgingly corrects him.

Elliot laughs again. “But it’s clear she loves you too. Her and John love you so much.“ He rubs the back of his neck. “Remember how we used to look at other kids and their parents, and we wished we could be like them? You’ve become that parent, Darlene. You’re the parent we wished we had. You should be proud of that.”

_Remember when you first met her? Things were so different back then. She still drops into therapy with Ben every once in awhile but she’s gotten so much better these past few years. Sure, she’s still kind of crazy - she really wouldn’t be Darlene, or my sister for that matter, if she wasn’t - but she’s not as angry or rough around the edges. She’s more comfortable with being vulnerable around me and Dom, and she’s getting better at trusting people._

_I guess having a family of her own helped motivate her to try even harder than before so she can be the mom her kids need her to be. She’s actually really good at the whole parenting thing - I know, I’m surprised too, but it’s a good kind of surprise. It makes me really happy when I see her with her kids. She’s a completely different person around them; she becomes so warm, affectionate, understanding, patient - words I thought I’d never use to describe my sister. It’s so easy to see how much she loves John and Robin; they mean the world to her and she’d do anything for them. She’s everything our mom wasn’t. After the shitty childhood we had, it’s nice to know that terrible parenting isn’t inheritable._

_She’s come a long way since fsociety. I think Angela would be proud of her too. I wish she could see how much she’s grown._

Darlene chuckles to herself. “Weird how _I’m_ the one who ended up getting hitched and having kids. I honestly thought it was going to be you.”

Elliot laughs alongside her. “I think you’re doing a better job at it than I ever could.” He turns his head to look at her. “But seriously, Darlene - let me take on more stuff for you at work.” He gestures towards the shore; John and Robin are splashing around, laughing and chasing each other, and Dom’s standing close by with a smile on her face. “You have a family. You should be spending time with them.”

Darlene sighs. “I know, but-”

“These are the most important years. They’re still so young. They need you to help them understand how the world works.” He watches Robin pick something up in the shallow water; he’s sitting too far away to see what it actually is, but it must be something gross, because John leaps back in surprise and Dom yelps before lunging forward to pry it out of her hands and toss it back into the ocean. “You know what it’s like to grow up with parents who don’t care enough to stick around.”

“I do care, though. That’s why I’m putting up with all of that shit at work.”

“I know, but right now they’re too young to understand that.” Robin starts to cry, probably because she’s upset that her mama forced her to part ways with her saltwater friend. Dom throws her head back and groans as John frantically drops to his hands and knees and tries to find something to distract his sister with. “They don’t know what you’re doing for them when they’re not around to see it.” He motions to her family again. “Don’t you wish Mom and Dad made time for us so we could do the stuff your family's doing now?”

“They did.” Darlene snorts. “They’ve taken us here before.”

“But it’s not because they wanted to do it.” Elliot shakes his head. “They only did it so other people wouldn’t suspect anything. Mom hated all those road trips, and she especially hated it when Dad took us here. She didn’t want to go on any of the rides or build sandcastles, and Dad...” He sighs. “Dad thought he could erase all of the shit he did by doing all of those things with me. He tried so hard to pretend he was better than he actually was, and he was so good at it. We believed him for so many years, way after he died.”

_I’ve gotten a lot better at talking about it. I’m remembering a lot more too. It still isn’t easy, and it still fucks me up from time to time, but I can do it without freaking out or having a full on breakdown now, and that’s gotta count for something I guess. Baby steps, right?_

_I still only feel comfortable talking about it with Darlene, but Krista says that’s okay. I don’t have to feel obligated to share it with everyone, and it’s okay if I never do. People deal with their own shit differently and if this is how I do it, and it’s actually doing something good for me and it’s taking me places, then I’m doing the right thing._

_And in case you’re wondering - I don’t see_ them _as often as I used to, which is another sign I’m doing the right thing. I know they won’t ever really go away; sometimes I still see them when I have really bad days, but I try not to interact with them as much. I want them to know that I’m in control now, and I think they’ve gotten the hint._

_Control isn’t an illusion. Control is a choice. Maybe I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how those things affect me, and I’m choosing to be in control of my own life again. It’s not easy, but the right thing is never easy to do. That’s why it’s always worth doing._

Darlene lowers her head a little. She picks up a handful of sand, and then drops it a few seconds later, morosely watching the grains slip between her fingers. “I should’ve known about what he did to you sooner. I wouldn’t have said all that shit about missing him or whatever if I didn’t.”

“I don’t think I wanted you to know.” Elliot frowns. “I wanted to protect you from him.”

“What if I wanted to protect you too?” Darlene counters. “If I knew that was the reason why you were so messed up all the time you _know_ I would’ve done something about it. Jesus, Elliot, we’ve talked about this a billion times - I wanted to help you.” She sucks in a sharp breath; he can see tears forming behind her sunglasses.

He sighs and reaches out to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “You did.” He throws her a reassuring smile. “You still are.” He gazes out towards the shore again; John picks something up and hands it over to Robin, who instantly stops crying, much to Dom’s relief. “You and I are here because we helped each other get here. We pulled a lot of crazy shit and we fucked up a lot, but we accomplished so much too.” He jerks his head towards his sister’s family. “I know you hate it when I tell you this, but I’m proud of you.”

Darlene groans. “C’mon, Elliot-”

“I’m serious. Look what you made, Darlene.” He nods to her family again. “You were dealt one of the shittiest hands and you turned it into something amazing.”

“You’re not doing so bad yourself.” Darlene smirks. “Moss was your idea.”

“Moss may have been my idea, but it exists because you actually did something about it, just like fsociety.” He points out. “You joke about me not being able to do anything without you, but it’s true. fsociety would’ve never taken off if you weren’t there to keep it together. You ran most of it on your own and you made it work, even when people didn’t think you’d be able to pull it off - me included. If it wasn’t for you coming up with the last minute idea to dox the Deus Group, our plans to take them down would’ve fallen through.” He smiles at her. “And you’ve done a lot on your own too. You took down all those trafficking rings and exposed everyone involved. You saved the world a second time mostly by yourself, and you didn’t have to blow up a power plant to do it.”

Darlene laughs and shakes her head. “I guess you’re right.”

“I know I’m right. You put up with my shit all your life and you went through so much to get to this point, and that’s why I’m so proud of you.” Elliot smiles at the twinkling diamond sitting on his sister’s left ring finger. “Seeing you here right now, married to someone who loves you and treats you right, with two great kids who look up to you...it’s nice. It’s proof that you made it. I’m really fucking happy for you, Darlene.” After a beat of silence, his expression softens and he sighs. “You know...I wish I treated you better when everything was going down. I wasn’t who you needed me to be, and I’m sorry for that.”

Darlene gawks at him. “Don’t you fucking dare, Elliot. You _know_ I don’t blame you for any of the shit that happened to me. We talked about this too.”

“I know, but you were always there for me. All you wanted was for me to be there for you in return, but I wasn’t.” He frowns. “You never gave up on me. You always believed in me, but I shot you down so many times. I made you feel like you weren’t capable of getting things done even though you’ve proven me wrong more than once. I pushed you away when you needed my help and I made you feel like shit when all you wanted was someone to talk to.” He lowers his head a little and swallows hard. “I was a shitty brother. You didn’t deserve that.”

She shakes her head. “You were going through your own shit. I can’t hold that over your head.”

Elliot sighs again. “You were going through some shit too, but you always made time for me - and I’m not just talking about fsociety and everything that happened recently. Dad tried to make it look like he was my only friend, but he was wrong - _you_ were my only friend. _You_ made me feel safe when I was scared, _you_ hid with me in all of those movie theatres, _you_ cried with me when Mom was being an asshole. You were always there, and not once did I ever think that you needed me to make you feel safe too, or that you needed someone to cry with when someone else hurt you.”

Darlene sniffles and turns away from him. “I wasn’t always there. I chickened out and bailed, remember?”

Elliot drops his hand to the ground, clenching his fist and watching the sand ooze out in between his fingers. “How else were you supposed to deal with it? You were scared, and you didn’t know what else to do. I probably would’ve done the same thing.”

“Still.” Darlene swallows. “It was a pretty shitty thing for me to do. I’m never going to forgive myself for it.”

“You should.” He lifts his head to look at her; she’s still partially turned away from him, trying to hide the tears gathering behind the tinted lenses of her sunglasses. “I never blamed you either, Darlene. You know that.”

“I know.” She sniffles again. “Also, you _were_ there for me. You jumped out of your fucking window, remember?”

“I could’ve done more.” He insists. “I know you never really felt like Mom and Dad gave a shit about you, but I always did. I still do. You’ve always been the most important person to me, Darlene. Fuck, you’re the reason why I’m still here.” He reaches out to her again, covering her hand with his own and throwing her a small smile. “It didn’t always look like it, but you were at the core of everything I’ve ever done.”

He can see more tears trickling down his sister’s cheeks. Darlene lets out a small laugh before hastily wiping them away. “Why are we even talking about this? All of that shit’s over. Things are way better now. We’re at the fucking beach and we’re supposed to be having a grand old time.”

Elliot chuckles. “Sorry. I guess I got nostalgic for a second.” He sheepishly scratches his head. “Every time I see John and Robin, I can’t help but think about us. They remind me of how we used to be when we were kids.”

“They remind me of us too, and I kind of hate it.” Darlene frowns.

He furrows his brow at her. “Why?”

“Because if they’re anything like us, that means it’s possible they might grow up the way we did.”

“But you know they won’t. Like I said, you and Dom are good parents.” Elliot points out. “You’re doing all the right things.”

“But there’s no telling what’ll happen later on when they get older and their worlds get bigger. Dom and I can be the best parents in this whole stupid universe but it still might not be enough to keep them away from the things that can fuck them up forever.” Darlene is silent for a moment as she raises her head to look at the shoreline; Dom and John are crowded around Robin, marvelling at whatever her brother gave her earlier. “I dunno, I just wish I could protect them from everything. This world can be such a shitty place sometimes and I just want to keep them safe.” She sighs. “I don’t want it to hurt them the way it hurt us.”

“You can’t guarantee you’ll be able to protect them from everything that can hurt them, but you can be there to help them get back on their feet when they’re knocked down.” Elliot reassures her. “And when they’re old enough, you can teach them to get back up by themselves so they can be strong on their own.”

“I know, but...” She scoffs and shakes her head. “They’re so...innocent. And kind. They love everyone, especially Robin. She has a knack for finding something worth loving in every person she meets, and I’m so scared that it’s going to backfire someday and someone’s going to take advantage of it. I don’t want her to lose that part of herself when she’s older.”

“She won’t.” He smiles. “She has you to remind her how important it is to keep being kind even when the world gives her reasons not to. She’s tougher than she looks, Darlene - she’s gonna be okay.” He squeezes her shoulder. “Who knows - maybe she’ll end up saving the world someday.”

His smile widens when his sister laughs. “So you’re saying that delusions of grandeur run in the family too?”

“They’re not delusions if they actually happen.” He chuckles. “Look, I don’t think you can avoid the fact that she’s a lot like you, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to grow up the way you did and turn out the way you did. You can raise her so that she becomes a better version of yourself. You’re already doing that anyway.”

It takes a few seconds for Darlene to answer him. “You really think a better version of me can exist?”

“Sure.” He throws her another smile. “You’ve already done it for yourself.”

She sighs. “Maybe it won’t hurt if you took on more shit for me at work. I’m still not letting you take all the credit, though.”

Elliot beams at her. He’s just about to make a comment about how she should probably take more time off too when a third voice interrupts their conversation.

“Mommy.” Robin is tottering up to them; in her hands is a dark grey rock, completely smoothed out by the tide, shaped in a perfect circle. She walks into Darlene’s awaiting arms and holds up her treasure. “Look what I got.”

“Your daughter called me a jerk.” Dom mutters as she takes a seat next to her wife.

Darlene splutters with laughter as she pulls Robin closer to her; the small girl turns around in her mom’s arms so she can show Elliot her new toy. “Why’d you do that?”

“She found a slimy thing in the water and Mama took it away.” John explains, and Elliot shakes his head in amusement.

“Sounds like sufficient grounds to me.” Darlene shrugs, and Dom rolls her eyes. She cups her hands around her daughter’s smaller ones, which are still clutching the rock John gifted her. _“You’re_ a jerk,” Darlene plants a kiss to the side of Robin’s disheveled head. “And that’s why I love you so much.”

Elliot takes a second to watch them: Dom affectionately presses her cheek against her wife’s as she slips an arm around her waist, John grabs a juice box from the cooler before sitting on Dom’s lap, and Robin is still engulfed in Darlene’s embrace, proudly showing off her prized rock to her parents and brother, who are gasping at it like it’s the most amazing thing they’ve ever seen. The four of them are lovingly huddled together, smiling and laughing amongst themselves; they’re caught up in their own little world, like there’s no one else on this beach except for them.

_I want to protect them too. Like Darlene, sometimes I wish I could keep John and Robin safe from all the shitty things that happen in this world. I wish they didn’t have to grow up and deal with terrible people who only exist to hurt others._

_But that’s not how the real world works, and we all know what happens to people when they’re shut off from reality. To not be here, to not show up and stay, to pretend certain things don’t exist - that’s not living at all. You’re stuck in a perfectly constructed loop where the same thing happens every single day. You’re not moving forwards or backwards; you’re just stuck in the same place forever. As much as it can suck sometimes, it’s the shit that hurts us and knocks us down that compels us to be better than the person we were yesterday. Without the risk of pain, we’ll never grow. We'll never move on._

_Nobody likes it when they see their loved ones get hurt. Watching Robin fighting to breathe on her own during her first few days of life showed me that it’s possible to love someone to the point where you would do anything to switch places so that you can bear the pain for them - but like I told Darlene, she got out of it on her own. She fought through it and survived. She wouldn’t have been able to do that if no one gave her the chance. She took control of her own life._

_Sometimes the best thing we can do for the people we love is to let go and allow them to experience things on their own. If they need our help later we can always step in, but I think it’s important to let them start and end things on their own terms. At the end of the day, it’s their life, not ours. They decide how it’s going to turn out._

_Robin reminds me how important it is to remain in control and to keep pushing forward. This world is full of terrible things, but there’s a lot of beauty in it too, and you can’t appreciate the good stuff if you don’t force yourself to push through the bad stuff first. If she can prove all those doctors and nurses wrong and learn to breathe on her own, then there’s no reason why I can’t overcome my own monsters someday._

“We gotta take a photo.” Elliot suddenly suggests.

“That’s a good idea.” Dom nods with approval.

“Ugh,” Darlene rolls her eyes. “Seriously, Elliot?”

“Yeah.” He nods as he rises to his feet, smiling when John eagerly springs up with him. “C’mon, Darlene - it’s tradition. We always took family photos when we went to Coney Island. You guys don’t have one yet.”

“We don’t have to do _every_ tradition.” She grumbles.

“Too bad. We’re doing this one.” He grins at her, and she sighs.

“Fine.”

Dom scoops Robin into her arms and gives her a big kiss on the cheek before making her way towards the boardwalk. John takes Darlene’s hand and excitedly chases after his mama and sister while dragging his mom with him. Elliot chuckles as he trails behind, pulling his phone out of his pocket and switching to his camera. He stands on the edge of the boardwalk with his phone held out in front of him and gestures with his left hand.

“Step in just a bit more, Dom - perfect.” He gives her a thumbs up. “Robin, look at me.”

He snaps the photo and takes a second to look at the result: Dom and Darlene’s sides are pressed up against each other, and John is standing in front of them. Darlene has one arm around Dom’s waist and her other arm is thrown around John’s shoulders. Dom is holding Robin against her hip, and Robin’s thin arms are wound around her mama’s neck. All four of them are facing the camera with big smiles on their faces.

_So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m okay now. Actually, I’m more than just okay - I’m happy. I’m not alone; I have a family, I have people who love me, and I love them in return. Not only did they show up and stay, but they also help me grow, and they push me to get better every day. I want to do the same for them._

“Elliot.” Darlene beckons him over. “Get over here.”

“Why?” He leans away from his phone to furrow his brow at her.

“You’re part of the family too, duh.” She rolls her eyes. “C’mon.”

Robin mimics Darlene’s beckoning with one of her tiny hands. “C’mon, Uncle Elli.”

_I’ll be honest with you - I am a little sad this is our last conversation. We’ve been through a lot together, and we’ve seen plenty of incredible, unbelievable, unforgettable things...but I think you know just as well as I do that this has run its course. I’m not the same person I was when I first met you, and I don’t think you’re the same either. We’ve grown a lot over the past few years, which led to us growing apart. We’re different now._

“Hold on.” Elliot hops off the boardwalk and back onto the sand. He jogs over to them and switches to the front facing camera on his phone before holding it high over his head. “You gotta squeeze in a bit more, John.”

_This isn’t a bad thing, though - just because we’ve grown apart doesn’t mean we’re no longer friends. You can still care for someone and they can still mean a lot to you even if they aren’t meant to be in your life forever._

_You’ll always be important to me. Please don’t forget that._

Dom has to bend her knees so she and Robin can fit into the frame. Darlene pulls John in a little closer, hunching over just a bit so the camera doesn’t cut off the top of her head.

“Hurry up.” She complains. “This is so uncomfortable.”

It takes a second to fit everyone in. When they finally get it right, Elliot waves his hand to the camera. “Robin, look over here.”

“Look, baby.” Dom nudges Robin’s head with her nose and points to Elliot’s phone. “Smile.”

Robin, who was momentarily distracted by a dog rolling around in a clump of seaweed that washed up on the shore, finally tears her big blue eyes away to glare at her mama. “I’m not a baby.”

_I’m not totally there yet. I don’t really know if I’ll ever be. Hell, I don’t even know where I’m going - but I think I’m finally heading in the right direction. It feels right, like this is where I’m supposed to be._

_Maybe I don’t really know where I’m going just yet, but I’m excited to see where this takes me. I just hope you can be excited for me too._

_I know I’m excited for you._

Robin finally faces the camera, and Elliot grins. “Alright, everyone ready?”

“Say cheese!” John exclaims, and everyone laughs before shouting _cheese_ at exactly the same time.

Elliot takes the photo and he frames it on his desk at work a week later. He tucks a smaller version of it into his wallet, and he has another copy sitting on his nightstand at home.

_Goodbye, friend._

_Safe travels._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday, Elliot Alderson.


End file.
